Holding Crucial Conversations Accountability and Communication Create a supportive environment Develop Mutual Purpose Mutual Respect

Supportive Environment Look in the mirror Understand your own style when under stress Separate the person from the problem Give the person you are addressing the opportunity to have the conversation later The Four Agreements 1.Be impeccable with your word 2.Don’t take anything personally 3.Don’t make assumptions 4.Always do your best

Passive Style Withhold information Avoiding Masking feelings – Sarcasm – Sugar coating Withdrawing

Aggressive Style Dominating the conversation Forcing Cutting others off Overstating or embellishing Speaking in absolutes Labeling others as insignificant Snide comments Threatening Belittling

Understand your stories Each individual may perceive the same information differently based on their own experiences Our actions and reactions are based on these perceptions Understand the path to action

Ground Rules for Success Address the person you have a conflict with directly – not through someone else Wait until everyone is calm Know your role – listener or speaker Validate what you hear when you are the listener When speaking, speak only for yourself – not others

Path to action See/Hear Tell a Story Feel Act

Using I Messages It allows defenses to be lowered It allows for communication of those essential feelings Opens the door to more effective communication

The formula for I messages: When _____ happens, I feel _____ because ______. What I want or need is ______. An example: When you are late for work, I feel disrespected because I had to stay late. What I would ask is that you be on time for work, and that you call me if your are going to be late. Write it down the first couple times!

Summary Effective management of conflict results in: 1.Constructive airing of differences 2.Opportunities to develop creative solutions in a way that truly engages people 3.Creates an opportunity for adaptive change 4.Increases the likelihood of cooperation 5.Increases levels of trust, personal safety and leads to respect for all 6.Leads further to a culture of trust, accountability and transparency