AD Boot Camp Crucial Conversations

Need a conversation?

Crucial What makes a conversation crucial? – Stakes are high – Opinions vary – Emotions run strong

When under stress… SilenceViolence AvoidingControlling MaskingLabeling WithdrawingAttacking

Skilled people find a way to get all the relevant information out into the open. They understand what they must do to stay in dialogue.

Make a hard decision now of what to confront (or you will be making a harder decision later). What are the confrontations you typically avoid? Why are we hesitant? What constitutes “being sure enough to decide”? Step Up!

Sharpen Up! Be sure to simplify, clarify and communicate well the core issues at stake.

Master My Stories

This helps us control the emotions that drive our actions. Learn to challenge the stories we tell ourselves and ask questions. "Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person act this way?" Posing the question is an effort to consider other possibilities.

Communicate the Issue Start with safety: review common purpose Describe the gap: what you expected, what you experienced (not WHY you think there is a gap, but rather the PATH that brought you to this gap) End with a question: help me understand….

Buddy Up! When entering into a crucial conversation, make sure you have another leader (not your spouse) there to also hear the conversation.

Pull Up! When in a crucial conversation, be sure to come back to the real reason you are having this conversation – a common purpose that is owned by all parties. This keeps “safety” levels high.

Follow Up! After a crucial conversation, write down what you understand was the key points from the conversation and what the outcomes or action steps were – have the other person/s clarify that this understanding is accurate.

Tighten Up! When giving an evaluation or decision, provide information on the process taken…and not too many details of the “evidence”.

Listen Up! Our speaking comes out of our listening – our listening comes out of our silence – our silence comes out of our rest.

Lighten Up! Remember to have joy in the journey. Devise ways to have “moments” of fun with your team.

You can probably think of at least one crucial conversation you should have with someone on your field. Work through the process outlined here, and sketch out the conversation you would have, at least from your side. Their responses will determine where you actually go with the conversation, and what kind of solution to land on.

Communicate the Issue Start with safety: review common purpose Describe the gap: what you expected, what you experienced (not WHY you think there is a gap, but rather the PATH that brought you to this gap) End with a question: help me understand….

Which of these principles are the most challenging for you? Choose one What 2 or 3 actions can you take to – Minimize its impact on you and your team – Help you grow in this area? When will you do this? Who will remind you of this and ask about it?