Chapter 9 Communication in Relationships

Chapter Outline The Nature of Interpersonal Communication Principles and Techniques of Effective Communication Self-Disclosure, Honesty, and Lying Gender Differences in Communication

Chapter Outline Theories Applied to Relationship Communication Conflicts in Relationships Fighting Fair: Five Steps in Conflict Resolution

True or False? It is possible to predict who is likely to be unfaithful in a relationship.

Answer: True It is possible to predict who is likely to be unfaithful in a relationship.

True or False? Lying about the number of previous partners was the most frequently reported lie told by a sample of university students.

Answer: True Lying about the number of previous partners was the most frequently reported lie told by a sample of university students.

Communication Can be defined as the process of exchanging information and feelings between two people. Although most communication is focused on verbal content, much (estimated to be as high as 80%) interpersonal communication is nonverbal.

Interpersonal Communication Regardless of what this couple is saying, they are communicating negative nonverbal feelings by their behavior. Pg. 253

Principles And Techniques Of Effective Communication Make communication a priority. Establish and maintain eye contact. Ask open-ended questions. Use reflective listening. Use “I” statements. Avoid brutal criticism. Say positive things about your partner.

Principles And Techniques Of Effective Communication Tell your partner what you want. Stay focused on the issue. Make specific resolutions to disagreements. Give congruent messages. Share power. Keep the process of communication going.

Question The process of exchanging information and feelings between two people is called A.interaction. B.rapport. C.evaluation. D.communication.

Answer: D The process of exchanging information and feelings between two people is called communication.

Expressions of Power in Relationships Withdrawal Guilt induction Being pleasant Negotiation Deception Blackmail Physical abuse or verbal threats Criticism

Self-Disclosure Involves revealing personal information and feelings about oneself to another person. Relationships become more stable when individuals disclose themselves: –their formative years –previous relationships (positive and negative) –experiences of elation and sadness/depression –goals (achieved and thwarted)

Extradyadic Activity A study noted that extradyadic activity (kissing or sexual activity) among young adults who were dating could be predicted. –Young adults who had a high number of previous sexual partners, who were impulsive, who were not satisfied in their relationship and who had attractive alternatives were more likely to be unfaithful.

Forms of Dishonesty and Deception In addition to telling a lie, people may exaggerate the truth, pretend, conceal the truth, or withhold information. Over 95% of university students in one study reported having lied to their parents when they were living at home.

Your Opinion How important is it to your partner to know about your past? Do you want your partner to tell you (honestly) about her or his past?

Should One Partner Disclose HIV/STD to the Other? Avoiding disclosure or lying about having an STD is a serious ethical violation. Some states and cities have laws that require health care providers to advise all persons with serious sexually transmitted diseases about the importance of informing their sex or needle-sharing partner(s).

Your Opinion What do you think the penalty should be for deliberately exposing a person to an STI?

Gender Differences in Communication Men and women focus on different content in their conversations. –Men tend to focus on activities; women, on relationships. –To men, talk is information; to women, it is interaction.

How Close Do You Want to Be? Individuals differ in their capacity for and interest in an emotionally close relationship. Individuals frequently choose partners according to an “emotional fit”—agreement about the amount of closeness they desire.

How Close Do You Want to Be? Individuals vary in the degree to which they want to have an emotionally close relationship. This couple values emotional intensity. Pg. 261

Theories Applied to Relationship Communication Symbolic Interactionism –Interactionists examine the process of communication between two actors in terms of the meanings each attaches to the actions of the other. Social Exchange –Suggest that communication can be described as a ratio of rewards to costs.

Conflicts in Relationships Conflict is the interaction that results when the behavior of one person interferes with behavior of another. Conflict is inevitable in any intimate relationship. Conflict can be healthy and productive for a couple’s relationship. –Ignoring an issue may result in the partners becoming resentful and dissatisfied.

Communication Daily communication provides the companionship most couples seek in marriage. Pg. 263

Sources of Conflict Behavior Cognitions and perceptions Value differences Inconsistent rules Leadership ambiguity

Styles of Conflict Competing Style –Both partners are assertive and uncooperative. Each tries to force their so there is a winner and a loser. Collaborating Style –Both partners are assertive and cooperative. Each partner expresses his or her view and cooperates

Styles of Conflict Compromising Style –Both partners would find a middle ground they could live with. Avoiding Style –The partners are neither assertive nor cooperative.

Styles of Conflict Accommodating Style –The partners are not assertive but each accommodates to the other’s point of view. Parallel Style –Both partners deny, ignore, and retreat from addressing a problem issue.

Question The process of interaction that results when one partner's behavior interferes with another is called A.communication. B.contact. C.symbolic interactionism. D.conflict.

Answer: D The process of interaction that results when one partner's behavior interferes with another is called conflict.

Steps in Conflict Resolution Address Recurring, Disturbing Issues Identify New Desired Behaviors Identify Perceptions to Change Summarize Your Partner’s Perspective Generate Alternative Win-Win Solutions Forgive Be Alert to Defense Mechanisms

Marriage and Health A high quality marriage relationship is good for the spouse’s health. Pg. 266

Win-win relationships Relationships in which conflict is resolved so each partner benefits from the resolution. –Win-win Both partners get something they want. –Win-lose Only one partner gets what they want. –Lose-lose Both partners get nothing they want.

Defense Mechanisms Unconscious techniques that protect individuals and minimize emotional hurt. –Escapism –Rationalization –Projection –Displacement

Question What is the most ineffective manner of communication? A."I " statements B."you" statements C.saying positive things about your partner D.sharing power

Answer: B The most ineffective manner of communication is "you" statements.

Question Effective conflict resolution is often blocked by A.volatile conflict style. B.defense mechanisms. C.lose-lose situations. D.avoidance.

Answer: B Effective conflict resolution is often blocked by defense mechanisms.

Should Parents Argue in Front of the Children? Most therapists agree that being open is best. Children need to know relationships involve conflict and how to resolve conflicts. In the absence of such exposure, children may have an unrealistic view of relationships.