Be a Beacon: Lighthouse Parenting For All October’s Flash Webinar hosted by Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman and brought to you by © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Welcome from Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman Psychologist Schools CBT Therapy Testing Consultation Clinical Practice Teachers/Youth Professionals Business Professionals Parents/Children Presenter DrBaruchFeldman.com © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Helicopters, Snowplows, and Free-Rangers Are Out! Lighthouse Parenting Is In! © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com Lighthouse Parenting provides “beacons of light on a stable shoreline from which our children can safely navigate the world”. Lighthouse parenting allows children to ride the waves, while providing guidance so they don’t crash into the rocks.

Inspiration for Today’s Talk Me, being annoying © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Ways to Cultivate Lighthouse Parenting: Step 1: Fill Buckets (Positive Relationship) Source: ; Carol McCloud © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Ways to Cultivate Lighthouse Parenting: Step 2: Develop a Growth Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck Promote a “growth” as opposed to a “fixed” mindset. The power of “yet”! v=XLeUvZvuvAs © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Ways to Cultivate Lighthouse Parenting: Step 3: Make Mistakes Our Friends What do potato chips, the microwave oven, post-it notes, chocolate chip cookies, and the neighbor’s youngest daughter have in common? They were all invented… by mistake! Famous Failures: Albert Einstein – was told he would “never amount to anything.” Michael Jordan – cut from high school basketball team. Walt Disney – was told he “lacked imagination.” The Beatles – were told that “they have no future in show business.” © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Ways to Cultivate Lighthouse Parenting : Step 4: Create Balance What is difficult in lighthouse parenting is that it’s about living in the gray. If you think about hovering or snowplowing or even free-range parenting, there is no balance. These styles are all lopsided. It is not so easy to do, but we know that balanced parenting leads to better outcomes. © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Obstacles to Lighthouse Parenting: #1- We Get TOO Nervous! © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Obstacles to Lighthouse Parenting: #2- We Fail to Remember the BIG Picture 1. Sometimes as parents we want to intervene because we get nervous about what will happen if we don’t. Sometimes, it is OK to intervene. 2. Ask yourself: Where do you want your child to be in years? We need to ask ourselves whether the actions we are taking now are going to help get them there. 3. We sometimes think we are thinking long-term (next week), but I mean really long-term (50 years). © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Obstacles to Lighthouse Parenting: Step 3#: Turn “Have-to” into of a “Want-to” We know from research that a goal is more likely to be accomplished when the person finds value and meaning (a “want-to”) as opposed to feeling put upon (a “have-to”). When it is our goal and not our child’s goal, it is “have-to”. It needs to be our child’s goals, not just ours. © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Strategy #1: WOOP WOOP, Mental Contrasting by Dr. Gabrielle Oettingen Example: My WOOP W = Wish (define your wish/goal) O = Outcome (imagine the best possible outcome) O = Obstacle (what holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome) P = Plan (create an If-Then plan for the obstacle) W = To be a lighthouse parent. O = The children will be resilient, independent, and flourishing. O = I get nervous and scared of failure. P = If I get nervous, then I will tell myself to remember the big picture and that making mistakes can be helpful. I will use an advantage card. © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

WOOP by Dr. Oettingen © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Strategy #2 Advantage Card- Bring to Forefront What Are the Advantages of Being a Lighthouse Parent? © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

How Can Youth Development Professionals Promote Lighthouse Parenting? Create a culture where failure and mistakes are seen as part of the process. Create a culture where growth rather than fixed traits are promoted. Create a culture where communication, positive relationships, and trust are priorities. Create a culture where you are always trying to make it a “want-to.” Remember that behind the hovering are good intentions. Isn’t This What CAMP Is All About? © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Be sure to tune in Nov. 2pm EST Dr. Zach Mural presents… Forgetting Something? One Key Hiring Skill You Can’t Overlook Presented by: © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com

Thank you! Be sure to join us for November Flash Webinar © 2015 Caren Baruch-Feldman drbaruchfeldman.com