Functional Versus Dysfunctional Family Traits

Functional Family Traits Five Freedoms Expressed In order to be fully functional, each human being needs to express freely the five basic powers that constitute human strength. These are: the power to perceive; to think and interpret; to emote; to choose, want, and desire; and to be creative through the use of imagination. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits Unfolding Process of Intimacy The marriage, as the chief component of the family, needs to be in the process of becoming intimate. This process goes through the stages of: in love; working out differences, compromise, and individualization; and plateau intimacy. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits Negotiated Differences Negotiating differences is the crucial task in the process of intimacy formation. To negotiate differences there must be the desire to cooperate. This desire creates the willingness to fight fair. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits C. Clear and Consistent Communication – Clear and consistent communication are keys to establishing separateness and intimacy – clear communication demands awareness of self and the other, as well as mutual respect for each others dignity. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits T. Trusting – Trust is created by honesty. Accurate expression of emotions, thoughts, and desires is more important than agreement. Honesty is self-responsible and avoids shaming. I. Individuality – In functional families differences are encouraged. The uniqueness and unrepeatability of each person is the number one priority in a functional family. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits O. Open and Flexible – In a functional family the roles are open and flexible. One can be spontaneous without fear of shame and judgment. N. Needs Fulfilled – Happy people are people who are getting their needs met. A functional family allows all of its members to get their needs fulfilled. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 58) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Functional Family Traits A. Accountability – Functional families are accountable. They are willing to acknowledge individual problems, as well as family problems. They will work to resolve those problems. L. Laws are Open and Flexible – The laws in functional families will allow for mistakes. They can and are negotiable. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 59) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Good Functional Rules Functional family rules can be summed up as follows: 1 Problems are acknowledged and resolved. 2 The five freedoms are promoted. All members can express their perception, feelings, thoughts, desires, and fantasies. 3 All relationships are dialogical and equal. Each person is of equal value as a person. 4 Communication is direct, congruent and sensory based, i.e., concrete, specific, and behavioral. 5 Family members can get their needs met. 6 Family members can be different. 7 Parents do what they say. They are self-disciplined disciplinarians. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 54) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Good Functional Rules Functional family rules can be summed up as follows: 8 Family roles are chosen and flexible. 9 Atmosphere is fun and spontaneous. 10 The rules require accountability. 11 Violation of other’s values leads to guilt. 12 Mistakes are forgiven and viewed as learning tools. 13 The family system exists for the individuals. 14 Parents are in touch with their healthy shame. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 55) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits Denial and Delusion Dysfunctional families deny their problems. Hence the problems never get solved. Such families also deny members the five freedoms. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits Yin/Yang Disorder There is always an intimacy vacuum in a dysfunctional family. The intimacy vacuum creates the dysfunction. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits D. Denial and Delusion – Dysfunctional families deny their problems. Hence the problems never get solved. Such families also deny members the five freedoms. Y. Yin/Yang Disorder – There is always an intimacy vacuum in a dysfunctional family. The intimacy vacuum creates the dysfunction. S. Shame-based – Non-functional families are shame-based. The parents have internalized their shame and act shameless toward their children. The children often feel ashamed of the family. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits F. Fixed, Frozen, and Rigid Roles – Roles are created by the needs of the family as a system. Children give up their reality to take care of the needs of the system. U. Undifferentiated Ego Mass – Members of dysfunctional families are enmeshed in each others boundaries. If mom is scared, all feel scared. Members feel for other members. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits N. Needs Sacrificed to the System – Members of a dysfunctional family cannot get their individual needs met. Individual needs are put aside for the needs of the system. There is almost always low grade anger and depression in a dysfunctional family. C. Confluence or Conflicted Communication – The communication style in dysfunctional families is either open conflict or the agreement never to disagree (confluence). There is rarely any real contact. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits T. Togetherness Polarity Dominates – Individual differences are sacrificed for the needs of the family system. In dysfunctional families, the individual exists for the family. It is difficult to leave dysfunctional families. I. Irrevocable Rules – In non-functional families, the rules are rigid and unchanging. Such rules are usually control, perfectionism, and blame. The poisonous pedagogy sets up these rules. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits O. Open Secrets – The open secrets are part of the vital lie which keeps the family frozen. Apropos of open secrets, everyone knows what everyone pretends not to know. N. Non-changing Closed System – Everyone plays their role to control the controlling distress. But the more each plays his role, the more the system stays the same. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits A. Absolute and Grandiose Will – The major catastrophe of the dysfunctional family is that all members have their wills disabled. Control itself is a product of the disabled will. The denial of conflict and frustration creates a situation in which one wills to will. This gives one the illusion of doing something about the problem. It is a way to feel whole when one is actually split. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Dysfunctional Family Traits L. Lack of Boundaries – Members of dysfunctional families give up their ego boundaries as a way to maintain the family system. Giving up ego boundaries is equivalent to giving up one’s identity. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 84) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Poisonous Pedagogy 1. Adults are the master’s of the dependent child. 2. Adults determine in a God like fashion what is right and wrong. 3. The child is held responsible for the anger of adults. 4. Parents must always be shielded. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 7) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.

Poisonous Pedagogy 5. The child’s life-affirming feelings pose a threat to the autocratic parent. 6. The child’s will must be “broken” as soon as possible. 7. All this must happen at a very early age so the child “won’t notice” and will not be able to expose the adults. Adults are the master’s of the dependent child. (Bradshaw, 1988, p. 7) Bradshaw, J. (1988). Bradshaw on: The family - A revolutionary way of self-discovery. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications.