5 Skills to Address Conflict How to approach difficult people, clubs, and situations. Micah van Dijk Redeemer University College Now we got problems And I don't think we can solve them You made a really deep cut And, baby, now we got bad blood – Taylor Swift “Bad Blood”

Introduction Understanding conflict can change attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours empowering individuals to take responsibility. It’s a gift! My story: I work at Redeemer University College as a full-time staff member that organizes orientation and student activities throughout the year. I collaborate with students, faculty and other staff on the creation of these events and have learned much through the conflicts I’ve encountered.

Your Story Think of one club conflict you currently find difficult. As the presentation progresses, ask yourself how these skills can help you address it. My story: A professor came into my office during the training of orientation leaders and asked me to book a trip for a club they led. I explained that I was busy and unable to get to her request that day. And conflict began over who would book this trip and when.

Skill #1 – Slow Down the Conflict Being in conflict is tense. We want to resolve the conflict so that we don’t feel that tenseness anymore. Slowing down the conflict takes courage to allow things to stay unresolved while you can implement the other skills and find a creative solution. My story: When I said I couldn’t book the trip, the professor tried to persuade me, used guilt and got angry. It took everything in me to slow down and not agree to anything in the heat of the moment.

Skill #2 – See the problem, not the person. AB (You)(Club Leader) C (Problem)

Skill #2 – See the problem, not the person My story: I felt tempted to bring up past issues with this professor and to make general assumptions about the character of the professor. I had to keep focussed on the specific problem of booking the trip. AB (You)(Club Leader) C (Problem)

Skill #3–Seek face to face conversation My story: The professor continued the conflict by sending me an directing me to book the trip. I almost sent an response but I took my boss’s advice to wait longer before responding. I was having trouble with Skill #1 and #3.

Skill #4 – Ask who has the greatest capacity to resolve the conflict Blaming someone for causing the problem does not help in resolving it and makes enemies. Trying to fix a problem that you don’t have the capacity to deal with burns you out. Figuring out who involved has capacity to offer towards the problem, will move you towards a solution. My story: I knew I could not book the trip immediately. I did know I would have capacity to offer to the solution in two weeks.

Skill #5 – Think Creatively We often feel that conflict narrows our options for response. We must look past this feeling and see the possibilities. By practicing the first four skills, you will be able to look at the problem with a creative mind and seek a solution that may be surprising to all. My story: The unexpected ending…

Review 1) Slow Down the conflict. 2) See the problem, not the person. 3) Seek face to face interaction. 4) Ask who has the greatest capacity to resolve the conflict. 5) Think creatively.

Questions What has been your biggest problem with clubs and club leaders this year? What skills have you used to help you deal with these difficult clubs? What advice would you give other student governments in regards to leading clubs?

References Pries, B. (2012) Understanding Conflict. Waterloo, PACT Associates. Mehrabian, A. (1972) Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes. Wadsworth Publishing Company.