Dialogue Conventions, Showing Not Telling, Action Narration, and Sentence Power

A Look at Dialogue "Hi Simon," he said.

"Hi Simon!" he said excitedly. Which one is correct? "Hi Simon," he said excitedly! "Hi Simon!" he said excitedly.

From "Eleven" by Sandra Cisneros "Whose is this?" Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. "Whose? It's been sitting in the coatroom for a month.”   "Not mine," says everybody. "Not me." "It has to belong to somebody," Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It's an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It's maybe a thousand years old and even if it belonged to me I wouldn't say so. Maybe because I'm skinny, maybe because she doesn't' like me, that stupid Sylvia Saldivar says, "I think it belongs to Rachel.”  Dialogue is followed by additional information. New speaker is indicated by an indentation. Try this. Put the additional information before the dialogue!

Dialogue with no narration. From “The Necklace” by Guy de Maupassant "Oh! . . . my poor Mathilde, how you have changed! . . ."      "Yes, I've had some hard times since I saw you last; and many sorrows . . . and all on your account."      "On my account! . . . How was that?"      "You remember the diamond necklace you lent me for the ball at the Ministry?"      "Yes. Well?"      "Well, I lost it."      "How could you? Why, you brought it back."      "I brought you another one just like it. And for the last ten years we have been paying for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money. . . . Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed."

Lots of narration leading up to dialogue. From “The Necklace” by Guy de Maupassant She had no clothes, no jewels, nothing. And these were the only things she loved; she felt that she was made for them. She had longed so eagerly to charm, to be desired, to be wildly attractive and sought after.      She had a rich friend, an old school friend whom she refused to visit, because she suffered so keenly when she returned home. She would weep whole days, with grief, regret, despair, and misery. One evening her husband came home with an exultant air, holding a large envelope in his hand.      "Here's something for you," he said.

Improving Your Dialogue Add additional action info to the following dialogue that helps to show how Mrs. price is feeling. "Whose is this?" Mrs. Price says, ....

"I should hardly think that he'd come tonight," said his father, Add some additional action info to the following dialogue that shows a personality trait of the character. "I should hardly think that he'd come tonight," said his father,

“Never mind, dear,” she said, a single tear rolling down her rosy cheek. “Perhaps you’ll win the next one.” --Shoshi Berk One, the image of a single tear rolling down her cheek is beautiful and powerful. Two, the pacing of the lines is dramatic. Three, the alliteration and rhyming(rolling/rosy). Wow!

"Never mind, dear,” she said, Now add some additional action info in the middle of the following dialogue. "Never mind, dear,” she said, _____________________. “Perhaps you'll win the next one."

Showing, Not Telling Do you use words such as “joyful” or “angry” to tell how a character feels? How can you show your reader what your character is feeling, rather than telling your reader? The man was so lucky. The man rolled a seven three times in a row.

It was a beautiful day. The neighborhood kids were riding their bicycles in the warm midday sun.

She threw the iron across the room. The lady was irate. She threw the iron across the room. Your turn… Change the following sentence that tells, and change it into a sentence that shows! She was bored and had nothing to do.

Sentence Power! After the thief crept quietly into the room, he stole the television. Creeping quietly into the room, the thief stole the television. Quietly creeping into the room, the thief stole the television. Into the room the thief crept, quietly, and he stole the television.

In your workshop groups, help each of your classmates do the following: Make sure each story is using dialogue conventions accurately. 2. Make sure each story isn't just saying "he said"/"she said" all the time. Mix it up by adding narration that describes what the person is doing and/or illustrates a personality trait.

In your workshop groups, help each of your classmates do the following: Pick a sentence from your story that tells, and change it to a sentence that shows! Pick a sentence from your story and change the wording a few different ways. Talk about which one you like the best!