5 Love Languages of Children Presented by: Sylvia Hollins Professional School Counselor Tuscaloosa Magnet Elementary School

RESOURCE *Entire presentation based on the information found in this wonderful resource *At the beginning of the year, Mrs. Paxton gave ALL of the teachers a copy of this resource and challenged us to think about the famous quote: “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care” *Mrs. Paxton challenged us to view your children as gifts and to discover what their love languages are so we can communicate how much we care in the way they best receive it *Before we get to that, let’s get into some GREAT information about love

Love as the foundation You may truly love your child but unless she/he feels it they will not understand how truly loved they are. Every child has an emotional tank, a place of emotional strength that can fuel them now and in the future. With a full tank, your child has a better chance to be well-adjusted, happy and resilient With an empty tank, children tend to be more insecure, inaccessible, and immature in emotional development By speaking your child’s own love language you can fill his/her “emotional tank” with love. *Raise your hand if you love your child…of course we all love our children *I want to read you a story that Dr. Chapman tells about two women…one who FELT loved and one who knew she was loved but didn’t FEEL loved…knowing is simply not enough when it comes to love. *Point 2: Just like a car needs fuel to progress and function properly, so does our child need a full emotional love tank to be able to function properly from a place of emotional strength

The 5 Love Languages Physical Touch Words of Affirmation Gifts Acts of Service Quality Time *Who has heard of the five love languages? Can anyone name them?? *Read the five love languages *As we learn about the five love languages, keep in mind that these are not just for our children…we as adults have a primary love language as well so think about yourself, your spouse or significant other as we go talk about these *I really want you to leave here not only knowing your child’s love language but also having tools to figure our how to show love to all the significant people in your life

Remember Every child has their own special way of perceiving love. No child can receive too much appropriate unconditional love. If you love your children only when they please you (CONDITIONAL LOVE) and if you express love only at those times, they will not feel genuinely loved. CONDITIONAL LOVE will damage their self image, make them feel insecure, and actually prevent them from moving in to better self- control and more mature behavior. Therefore, their development and behavior is as much your responsibility as it is theirs. Your children will sense how you feel about them by how you behave toward them. *After point 2…you can never love your child TOO much!! What is unconditional love?? *Have you ever heard the phrase: more is caught than taught?? Actions speak MUCH louder than words so let’s quit saying we love and children and actually SHOWING them in a way that they receive it the most! *Now, let’s dive into those 5 love languages!

Physical Touch

Physical Touch Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices. Studies have found that most parents only touch when necessary All children need to be touched A hug given before a child leaves for school could be the difference between emotional security and insecurity through the day. *After point 2: ESPECIALLY as your child gets older…who has a teenager or middle schooler?? p. 32

Physical Touch Keep filling the love tank even if your child isn’t showing signs they need it In pre-adolescence and adolescence you must remain affectionate Be intentional about physical touch p. 38 Father’s touching their daughters

Loving through physical touch Snuggle while watching tv together Hug and kiss your child every day before and after school and as you tuck them into bed. Give high fives Play games that require physical touch p. 44 with more ideas. Let them brainstorm some ideas.

Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation Words of affirmation goes beyond just saying “I love you” If you use praise too frequently, your words will have little positive effect. The word encourage literally means “to instill courage” The greatest enemy of encouraging is anger. The volume of your voice matters greatly p.50

Words of Affirmation Be careful not to give the right message in the wrong manner. ie. Yelling “stop screaming and yelling at your brother” Your words are very important and help shape your child Be intentional “Parenting is not just a matter of doing what comes naturally” After point 3: It actually takes work, forethought and planning…and actually doing what you don’t NATURALLY FEEL like doing, like taking a NAP

Loving through words of affirmation Put a note in your child’s lunch Mention specific moments you’ve observed that highlight your child’s accomplishments Create a special nickname for your child Say, “I love you” p.59 more ideas

Gifts

Gifts Other love languages must be given along with a gift A true gift is not a payment for services rendered, it is an expression of love for the individual If we do not present gifts as expressions of love, children may learn to receive them as “what is to be expected”

Gifts Be careful not to abuse gift-giving Parents and grandparents may need to give less rather than more, carefully choosing gifts that will be meaningful. Not all gifts must come from a store

Loving through gift giving Make a meal you know your child likes. Give your child a special song. Create a “secret drawer” where your child can keep her small “treasures”- anything from a bird feather to a pack of gum. Hide a small gift in your child’s lunch box. p. 88

Acts of Service

Acts of Service The day you found out you would have a child you enrolled into full-time service. As you express acts of service to your children you are setting a model. After point 1: Feeding, cleaning, washing, teaching, tutoring, training

Acts of Service Loving service is an internally motivated desire to give one’s energy to others. Do an attitude check every now and then to be sure that your acts of service are communicating love.

Loving through acts of service Help your children practice for their sports team Begin teaching your child the importance of serving others through regular involvement together in a local community group or church ministry. Create flash cards for your child’s upcoming test or quiz p.105

Quality Time

Quality Time “He does things with me” Quality time is focused, undivided attention. Quality time is a parent’s gift of presence to a child. You don’t necessarily have to go anywhere Use eye contact *Kids who’s love language is quality time my say “I know my dad loves me because he does things with me” *No cellphones, computers or any other modern day distractions…

Quality Time Quality time is not just doing things together, it’s a time for knowing your child better Children never outgrow the need for quality conversations with parents and adults.

Loving through quality time Stop what your doing when your child is telling you something important and make eye contact with them. Ask specific questions about your child’s day Take family walks and bike rides together. Share meals as a family Example of the struggle to find quality family time Video *After point 2: What made you laugh today? What friends did you play with at recess? Did you go to specials today? Tell me what words you’re learning in Spanish. In this day and age of an enourmous amount of busyness and endless activities, it is SO hard to carve out family time or quality time but try making a schedule and putting quality time on the calendar…otherwise we all know it will not happen!! p.74

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/children/ *Lucky for you I was able to administer the love languages survey to ALL the students at our school!!

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/children/ *The survey asked your children 20 would you rather statements….for example, would you rather hear your parents say “Give me a hug” or “You are terrific”??

BIG REVEAL  Please USE this information to practice what your child has rated as their love language! Also remember to practice ALL of the languages…be multilingual! Know that it takes being intentional and carving out the time to practice these. Children shift and change so come back to this and reassess how your child’s primary language of love may have changed over time! *Is anyone surprised by their results?? *If time allows, get some ideas about how to consistently practice our children’s love languages

5 Love Languages of Children * Your cheat sheet for the 5 love languages and how to practice them, the resources, websites, and survey are on the next page of your handout following the ppt presentation Thank you so much for your time! Presented by: Sylvia Hollins Professional School Counselor Tuscaloosa Magnet Elementary School Email: shollins@tusc.k12.al.us Phone: 205-759-3655 Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns!!