Relationships and Abuse

Lee’s Styles of Loving Romantic Love: Emphasis on physical beauty as they search for ideal mates Visual beauty; tactile and sensual pleasures; Very affectionate and openly communicative (Love tends to be short and fleeting)

Game Playing Love: like to play the field and acquire as many sexual partners as possible with no commitment Love is for fun and is entertaining, but not long term. Enjoy the chase (Can produce an abusive relationship!)

Possessive Love: obsessive love relationships with much turmoil and jealousy. Feels like a roller coaster relationship Each display of affection produces ecstasy, and each small slight creates painful agitation. (Can produce an abusive relationship!)

Companionate Love: slow to develop over affection and commitment, but the relationship tends to endure. Peaceful and quiet relation with little disharmony Usually starts as a friendship (Couples tend to stay together the longest with this type of love!)

Altruistic Love: Selflessness and caring desire to give to one another with no reciprocation necessary (If this type of love is not mutual, it can turn abusive)

Pragmatic Love: tend to select lovers based on a rational practical criteria that will lead to mutual satisfaction. Approach the relationship in a business like fashion and are trying to get the “best deal”.

Lee’s 5 Styles of Love Worksheet

How do we pick our partners? Proximity: How close do they, and their family, lives to me? Similarity: Do we have interests in common? Reciprocity: Do we feel the same way about each other? Are we putting in the same amount of effort? Physical Attraction: Does he look similar to Channing Tatum?

Love VS. Sex When sex happens before a couple builds a foundation of emotional intimacy, the individuals tend to feel further apart emotionally.

Male and Female views on Sex Men define love based more on sexual satisfaction than emotional intimacy It is easier for men to have physical intimacy without emotional intimacy (Hit it and quit it) Women link love and sexual desire more closely. Older women are better able to separate love and physical intimacy.

Jealousy Jealousy: an adverse emotional reaction evoked by real or imagined relationship involving ones partner and a third person Related more towards injured pride, or a persons fear of losing what they want to control and posses, than love. We feel threatened and a loss of self worth when we suspect our partner is trying to replace us with a new partner.

Abuse Types of Abuse Emotional/Verbal Abuse Stalking Physical Abuse Sexual Abuse (We will talk about this more next week!) Financial Abuse Digital Abuse

Emotional and Verbal Abuse Non physical behaviors such as threats, Insults, constant monitoring or checking in, excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation

Stalking Being repeatedly watched, followed, or harassed.

Physical Abuse Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon

Sexual Abuse Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including restricting access to birth control or condoms.

Financial Abuse Using money or access to accounts to exert power and control over a partner. Giving an allowance with no access to bank accounts Restricting spending Being the sole breadwinner and with your partner completely financially reliant on you.

Digital Abuse The use of technology such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated through technology.