Love and Well-Being Cicilia Evi GradDiplSc., M. Psi

What is Love? Romantic love  predominant factor in psychological and physical well-being – Positive relationship  one of the most significant predictors of happiness and life satisfaction Love has property that helps us adapt (bio) – Social animals  need to be involved in groups  form tight, close, supportive bonds – Protect those who close to us, especially our children

Marriage and Well-Being Higher self-reported happiness and life satisfaction Consistently happier and healthier than single people  across all ages, income levels, education levels, racial and ethnic groups Marriage is the only really significant bottom- up predictor of life satisfaction  for both men and women

A significant predictor of subjective WB Marriages that have more positive interactions, emotional expressiveness and greater role sharing seem to be associated with greater life satisfaction One important variable: Self-Disclosure – Provide emotional intimacy, trust and openness Negative side: most frequently reported triggers for depressions!

Interesting findings Single men are less happy than single women Married men are as happy or happier than married women 59% of men rated their love life as ‘Perfect 10’ Only 47% women rated their love that high

Marriage and Physical Fitness Positive marital relationships may be associated with: – Longevity – Lower blood pressure, lower physiological reactivity to negative interactions Greater in men  fewer infectious diseases and live longer  just by getting married For women  need a good quality of marriage

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment

All the 3 components often progress differently across lifespan – Passion is very high at the beginning – Intimacy increase steadily over time – Commitment may start out very low, but increases over time and reaching the highest point to remain steady Bias? Ageism?

Finding Romance, Intimacy and Love Have to be attracted to each other  important variables: – Proximity  feel comfortable and attracted when they spend time near each other – Physical attractiveness  only at initial attraction – Attitude similarity (homogamy)  basic values, philosophy of life – Mutual exchange of positive evaluations  create interpersonal cycle of risking self-disclosure, being validated by partner, trusted and risking more …

Relationship Satisfaction What makes relationships good? – Intrapersonal factors  something about one or both of the partners – Interpersonal factors  something about the relationship between the two people – Environmental influences  external factors that impact the relationships in +/- way

Personality Traits Most wanted: healthy personality  confidence, integrity, warmth, kindness, intelligence, dependability, emotional stability, a good sense of humor, loyalty and being affectionate Predictor of poor relationship: Neuroticism – When people are persistently anxious, worried, fearful and suffer from very low self-esteem – Inhibit capacity to love and to be loved In individual level  determined by smaller unique behaviors

Attributions Judgment we make about the causes of behaviors Fundamental attributions error – Other people’s behavior  their personality trait (‘too self centered’) – Our behavior  temporary aspects (‘under current stress’) Using different attributions for different positive and negative behaviors

Positive Romantic Illusions Love is blind! Positive illusions  characteristics in successful relationships – Positive bias toward oneself  sense of happiness – Idealized partner’s attributes, exaggerated belief about control in relationships  happier couple! – Increase self-esteem Validation and being supportive  negotiating areas of self-evaluation Not based on avoidance of important information, denial or attempts to escape conflicts

Interpersonal Factors NBC Polling  more time together (31%), better communication (30%), less worries about money (21%), more romance (6%), and more sex (3%) Dissatisfied couples  express more disagreement, less humor and laughter, negative emotions, fewer positive comments, and more criticism Bids for attention  small gestures that help each person stay connected to each other

Environmental/Social Factors Parental paradox  when marital satisfaction drops due to arrival of the children – BUT parental satisfaction rises up  until the phase of ‘empty nest’ – Esp after first child  mother is anxious about being a good mother, of taking care of the child But, when husband is showing fondness and each person keeps on paying attention to each other  no decline in marital satisfaction

Seven Qualities of A Successful Marriage 1.My spouse is my best friend 2.I like my spouse as a person 3.I believe that marriage is a long-term commitment 4.We agree on aims and goals 5.My spouse has grown more interesting over the years 6.I want the relationship to succeed 7.Marriage is a sacred institution

What Hurts Relationships? 1.Conflict  #1 cause of marital dissolution – Hostile relationships  anger, recriminations, accusations, hostility – Demand-withdraw pattern (Gottman & Gottman, 1999)  four steps: 1.Criticism and complaining from one partner, which results in; 2.A sense of contempt from the other, that; 3.Leads to defensiveness, and 4.End with withdrawal

If the withdrawal is so extreme  one leaves the room or withdraws attention in a passive- aggressive and hostile attempt to punish one’s partner  stonewalling Divorce is determined by: level of marital satisfaction, presence of negative affects during conflicts, lack of positive affect in day-to-day interactions, the number of thoughts about divorce, number of bad memories, and the demand-withdrawn communication pattern One negative act WILL ERASE 5-20 kindness acts!

2.Social and Cultural Factors – Social expectations  cause unseen stress – Shifting and changeable emotional quality of relationships – Cultural  polygamy, polyandry, arranged marriage