Cut Clutter

Some terms in this lesson Verb: action word ran Adverb: word that modifies slowly ran slowly

Excerpts from On Writing Well by William Zinser Most adverbs are unnecessary. You will clutter your sentence and annoy the reader if you choose a verb that has a specific meaning and then add an adverb that carries the same meaning. Don’t tell us that the radio blared loudly; “blared” connotes loudness. Don’t write that someone clenched his teeth tightly; there’s no other way to clench teeth.

Don’t say: The radio blared loudly. Say: The radio blared. Don’t say: She clenched her teeth tightly. Say: She clenched her teeth.

Term adjective: describing word Examples: pretty, blue, sorrowful, big, tiny, happy, cloudy

Most adjectives are also unnecessary. The adjective that exists solely as decoration is a self-indulgence for the writer and a burden for the reader. Again, the rule is simple: make your adjectives do work that needs to be done. If it’s important to tell the reader that a house was drab or a girl was beautiful, by all means use “drab” and “beautiful.” They will have their proper power because you have learned to use adjectives sparsely.

Zinser gives the following example: “He looked at the gray sky and the black clouds and decided to sail back to the harbor.” Why does he include the adjectives gray and black? Gray and black clouds are the reason the person decided to sail back to the harbor

Prune (cut) out the small words that qualify how you feel and how you think and what you saw: a bitkind/sort of a little rather quitevery too so pretty muchin a sense

Don’t say you were a bit confused and sort of tired and a little depressed and somewhat annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed. Be annoyed. Good writing is lean and confident.

Don’t say you weren’t too happy because the hotel was pretty expensive. Say: You weren’t happy because the hotel was expensive.

Don’t tell us you were quite fortunate. How fortunate is that? Don’t describe an event as rather spectacular or very awesome. Words like “spectacular” and “awesome” don’t submit to measurement. “Very” is a useful word to achieve emphasis, but far more often it’s clutter.

redundant: the same thing; a repeated idea or word(s)

Get rid of redundant words or phrases Redundant: Sarah thought in her head about the math problem. Revised: Sarah thought about the math problem. Redundant: Those lemon candies are sour in taste. Revised: Those lemon candies are sour.

Get rid of unnecessary words or phrases (who is, that is, and which is can often be eliminated) Wordy: The park that is in my neighborhood is always crowded. Revised: The park in my neighborhood is always crowded. Or My neighborhood park is always crowded.

Wordy: There will be a bus arriving late. Revised: A bus will arrive late.

Term concise: using few words

Replace long expressions with more concise ones Wordy: The reason we were late was because of traffic. We were late because of traffic. or Because of traffic, we were late.

Wordy: Due to the fact that we were late, we missed the door prizes. Revised: We missed the door prizes because we were late. Because we were late, we missed the door prizes.

Wordy: Basketball is my favorite sport. The reason why I like basketball is because it is a fast- paced game. Revised: Basketball is my favorite sport because it is a fast-paced game.

Eliminate Clutter Exercise Directions: Cross off unnecessary words and phrases in the following sentences. 1. The students gathered together in the gym. 2. We made advance reservations for dinner. 3. The wet rain pounded the windshield hard.

4. We were totally shocked by the victory. 5. If you are extremely thirsty on a very hot day, you can make a rather refreshing fruit shake. 6. The boss said he wanted a full and complete report. 7. The hot air balloon ascended upward very slowly as we watched from below.

8. The witness fidgeted nervously as he was being questioned. 9. Realizing she was late, Linda sped quickly to the office. 10. The Empire State Building is a very huge building.

11. The filthy, dirty dog crawled out of the mud puddle. 13. Changing schools was an extremely critical crisis for Carrie. 14. Cassie seems to be content. 12. The photos that are on the bulletin board are pictures from the last dance.

13. Kim had planned in advance to skip class. 14. The sheets are smooth in texture. 15. The red colored jacket was visible to the eye from a block away. 16. Every individual team member’s effort is important to the team’s success.

17. It was quite frigid in the cold night last night, but it was really a relief after being in that very hot, sweltering weather.

Complete the remainder of your worksheet! Complete the remainder of your worksheet. This includes –Rewriting the sentences on your worksheet so they are more concise –“Eliminate Clutter Practice 2” –We will review the answers to these clutter errors tomorrow in class. Please make sure to bring your notes to class so you receive homework credit!