Alessandra Micalizzi IULM University – Communication, behaviour and consumption dept. Remaking borders First EastBordeNet Conference – Catania, January 2011 University of Catania Suffering Togetherness: Motherhood and Hide Emotions in Case of Prenatal Death

Framing the research… Narrative approach Identity: As narrative construction Relationship: The results of narratives exchanges Internet as Narrative technology «Narratives live in our mind, they organize our thoughts, they help us to interpret daily experiences and give meaning to our existence» (Di Fraia, 2005) “Narrative self”

Framing the research… Internet as Narrative technology Post-orality Mediation /protection fragmentation Multiple self Participation Intimacy Public-private space Virtual togetherness

Perinatal death mourning From a narrative point of view, it’s a turning point MotherSocial context Signs of matherhood Failed expectations and desirers Certainty that the baby “was” a part of her life Future perspective Not-recognition of tragic event Not recognition of the new identities (both as mother as well as people that lives a loss

Methodology Cyber-ethnography Qualitative content analysis 25 interviews Qualitative approach

Practices of uses Acclimatising phase Introduction phase Participation phase Taking responsibility phase Exit phase Borders on/off line

1. Acclimatising «Initially, I didn’t sign up, I spent hours reading what others had written, but I was not able to ‘come out’! Maybe because to do so meant telling myself “It’s all true, and it really happened and you can’t go back. I am also a special mommy and Alice with not come back to me”» Alice’s mom. reading other messages (lurking) finding similar experiences reflecting on the identity denied (as mother) Strongly sense of misunderstanding and diversity respect the world “outside”

2. Introduction «Alice died December 2 and I signed up on January 9, if I remember correctly. It was time to face everything, but, most of all, to be hugged by other magnificent mommies» Alice’s mom. creating an account strictly connected with the identity as “Mother” retelling the story about the loss (processing mourning)  coactions to repet be a part to the community  constructing a sense of community

3. Participation «Being part of the forum is like having another family in the sense that you belong to a group where personal bonds are strengthened by sharing difficult experiences and they grow with reciprocal exchange and help! » (Claudia Ravaldi, Lapo’s mommy, meeting facilitator) common destiny effect clear difference between the world on and off line construction of “special mummy identity” regular narratives exchange Elective affinity special relations

4. “Taking responsibility” «Months by months, I started to felt better. I understood I’m not alone. I was stronger and I was ready to help other special mummies. When I read some stories, stories like mine, I thought and I said to others “I’m the living witness that you can go through”» Marta’s mom. narratives more focused on answering others and not in speaking about personal emotions re-appropriation of real life (new or old interests)  personal identity re-building relational bonds  social identity

5. Exit «I’m not ready yet to abandon the forum. I can’t think me without my new virtual friends. But I think, may be a day, I’ll spend less time on the Net and I’ll start again to live» Paola’s mom. desire to “normality” less sense of dependence from the forum reduction of the presence on the forum

Remaking the borders: identity implications Identity level searching for the identity ad mother, denied outside of the Net processing the mourning: coping by auto-biographical narration sharing the narration (reflection on self by the glance of others) reconstruct new identity, involving also the Real life Border on/off Loss First search on the Net Acclimatising Introduction Participation Taking responsibility Exit Coherent narratives about the self