OPENING THE DOORS TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION (LO 9) Identify problem ownership. Explain the six steps involved in the conflict resolution through supportive - confrontation strategy. Organize your conflict resolution rehearsal. Describe I-messages and you messages. Describe two goals to accomplish when meeting to confront a conflict. Describe the characteristic differences between a conversation and a sell-job.

Conflict Resolution Through Supportive Confrontation When some need is not being met and someone is bothered Step 1 – Identify problem ownership using your “window on behaviour” Step 2 – Research and reflect Step 3 – Select an alternative to follow using the “three alternatives rule” Step 4 – Rehearse Step 5 – Meet to resolve the conflict Step 6 – Follow through and follow up

Step 1 - Identify Problem Ownership Using Your “Window On Behaviour” Must answer “who owns the problem”? Usually the one who is bothered Look out the window onto your world Dots represent behaviours, events, or situations Top pane –acceptable area Bottom pane – unacceptable – problem area Looking into mirror – helps in recognizing your own behaviour

Step 2 – Research & Reflect Check out facts and test assumptions and perceptions Is the problem real or imagined? What are underlying reasons for the problem behaviour? What is the motivation for the behaviour? Are assumptions true? What is not known about the problem?

2. Change your environment - change or remove yourself Step 3 – Select an Alternative to Follow Using The “Three Alternatives Rule” When someone’s behaviour or a situation causes a problem – three things that can be done: 1. Change your attitude – move behaviour from unacceptable to acceptable 2. Change your environment - change or remove yourself 3. Confront the person about his or her behaviour - attempt to change their behaviour

Step 4 - Rehearse Make your rehearsal as real as possible To a friend Different ways The more serious the conflict the more need for rehearsal Practice talking and listening – refine skills Opportunity to experience emotion – must learn to manage your emotions Experiencing emotion in rehearsal helps manage and reduce emotion in real

Step 5 – Meet to Resolve Conflict 1st Goal - Make the other person aware of your problem within a “supportive atmosphere” Supportive confrontation and not to recommend solutions

Supportive Atmosphere Tips Tip 1-Engage in conversation not a “sell-job” Conversations have no set agenda (outcome determined by the conversation) Sell-job – persuasive speech with intended outcome Hidden Agendas – primary obstacles to supportive atmospheres

Supportive Atmosphere Tips Tip 2 – Eliminate anger – enemy to any negotiation (destroys atmosphere) Sometimes difficult but can be controlled Rehearsals help You own your anger (giving this up, gives power to other - makes one more vulnerable in negotiation) Put-downs are intended to anger

Supportive Atmosphere Tips Tip 3 – Send I messages, not you messages These are honest statements indicating what you genuinely feel Much less apt to provoke resistance, anger or resentment because ownership of feeling placed with the one having it You messages – send compliments or insults Increase conflict or even initiate it Indicative of low-level maturity 2nd Goal - Engage in Conflict Resolution (Change or don’t change)

Step 6 – Follow Through and Follow up Implement the solution and follow up periodically Sometimes solutions work in the short run but will fail in the long run Sometimes solutions create unforeseen problems and must be reworked