Dealing With Challenging People WSOR Development Squad Old Coventrians RFC 24 TH August 2014

My Background Luke Haskins 35 years old 3 Children Refereeing since 2002 Federation 2006/2007 Midland Group 2009 National Panel 2012/13 NHS (Mental health Nursing, University Hospital Cov) Cov&Warks YMCA (Support Worker, Looked after yr olds) Young Foundations Present (Registered Manager, Transition Home yr olds)

Why People Become Challenging Reasons for Conflict Basic physical needs unmet- i.e. Toothache, Undiagnosed medical condition. (PLAYER IN INJURED/ IN PAIN) Basic emotional needs unmet- i.e. Warmth, stability, Acceptance/belonging. (PLAYER BEING UNDERSTOOD) Lack of stimulation- People who are bored are likely to provide there own stimulation- i.e. Conflict. (PLAYER BORED/MISCHEVIOUS) Lack of consistency- Dealing with people “as they see fit” rather than following agreed plans/Laws (CONSISTANCY) Conflicting roles/expectations- Clients expectations of staff/Referee (BOUNDARIES)

Self awareness Rational Mind and Emotional Mind (Thinking and Feeling) Triggers Embarrassed Insulted Loss of face People laughing at them They are not being taken seriously Inhibitors Self control Personal Values Fear that the other person will fight back Social, employment or legal consequences

Human Responses to Threat/Aggression FIGHT OR FLIGHT PhysicalCognitiveBehavioural SweatingForgetfulnessIrritability ShiveringParanoiaIsolation pantingRigid ThinkingDepression Hairs raisedStereotypingAggression NauseaImpairedThoughtViolence Vomiting“Blanking”Inconsistency PalpitationsBrain “racing”Unpredictability IncontinenceIrrationalitySelf-Obsessed Facial muscles reconfigure Automatic thinking Depression

Attitudes and Intentions External Denial The Client- The Player/Spectators Colleagues- AR’s/Refs Supervisors- Team coaches/Ref coaches Managers- Advisors/Ref DM Organisation- RFU/County BLAMING Part of the problem Reactive Drains Poor practice Internal Awareness Personal Responsibility Standards Sensitivity Empathy Professionalism OWNERSHIP Part of the solution Proactive Radiators Good practice

Non Verbal Communication “ When people are in a highly emotional state the way use our body can have more impact than the words themselves” P Position- Allow exit routes, don’t block in Be aware of your exits. Also be aware that if you block the other persons exit you will impact on their “Flight” option- They may be more inclined to fight A Attitude- Display positive and helpful attitude No matter how negative you may feel, show positive signals that emphasise your willingness to help and find a solution to the problem. L Look and Listen- Normal eye contact, active listening Use normal eye contact. Never stare fixedly at the other person as this can feel very aggressive. Use active head nodding, gestures and repeating back phrases, acknowledging you are hearing and understanding what the other Display positive and helpful attitude person is saying M Make space- Maintain a comfortable distance An aggressor may intimidate or threaten you by getting to close. An open palms stance will help you to maintain a safer space. Be aware of how close you may be getting towards another person S Stance- Shoulders relaxed and turned to the side Prevent the tendency to “square up” by standing at an angle with one foot back and relax you shoulders. This also opens up a visual “exit route” for both you and the other person

Human Responses to Threat/Aggression FIGHT OR FLIGHT PhysicalCognitiveBehavioural SweatingForgetfulnessIrritability ShiveringParanoiaIsolation pantingRigid ThinkingDepression Hairs raisedStereotypingAggression NauseaImpairedThoughtViolence Vomiting“Blanking”Inconsistency PalpitationsBrain “racing”Unpredictability IncontinenceIrrationalitySelf-Obsessed Facial muscles reconfigure Automatic thinking Depression

Verbal communication Ask captains and coaches what they hope to achieve on the day. Build a rapport, even if they are trying to manage YOU it is a good tool to show you are listening to them before play. (Show some interest in previous game/games coaches will be impressed you have done your homework gaining credibility) Think before you speak Aware of pitch, tone and rate (At times they are good to change) Clear Concise Give players/captains an out/option If a captain or player presents with a problem e.g. “Ref look at this”. Respond with; “I will but I want you to look at… XYZ” Avoid “Calm down”. Use “I can see your point, however”. OR “I hear what your saying… but I need you to think about…. Give captain time to pass information to players When dealing with aggression on the pitch use “I feel that…… rather than I think that…… (Feelings are harder to challenge than thought)