Respectful Parenting Respectful Kids Madonna M. Thiner Kellen Head Start Mental Health and Disability Coordinator

What legacy do you leave your child? “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” Forest E. Witcraft

Why Respectful Parenting? Respectful parenting helps a child to foster self-worth, promoting academic and social success. Respectful parenting gives a child control over their life encouraging positive decision making. Respectful parenting fosters bonding between parents and children that lasts a life time. Respectful parenting helps a child to develop successful intimate relationships later in life. Respectful parenting helps a child to build healthy boundaries and successful friendships. Respectful parenting encourages open communication and dialog within families.

Respectful Communication Really tune in to what your child is trying to say. Listen when your child talks to you and respond to them with interest . Set aside regular time to communicate with your child in private. Be available. When they come to you, try to drop everything to talk with them showing them they are important to you. Get down to their level. Kneeling or squatting when talking with your preschooler allows you to tune in to what she might be feeling or thinking. Active listening helps preschoolers cope and control their emotions. Instead of asking them to repeat themselves, repeat back to them what you think they are feeling saying, “I see that you feel…can you tell me about that?” Be patient. Try to let your child finish their sentences before interrupting. If what they are saying makes no sense to you, try saying, “I hear you saying…am I right?” Read books about emotions and feelings, books can serve as tools for communication. This can also increase vocabulary giving children words to express their feelings. Always be honest. When we lie to children, we lose their trust. When children lose trust, we promote anxiety and fear.

Foster a Children’s Self-esteem Give Lots of Encouragement Provide More Successes than Failures for Your Child Allow Independence Give Your Child the Freedom to Fail with Acceptance Praise Achievements Give Unconditional Love Don’t Set Unreasonably Standards or Goals Eliminate the Negative Avoid Ridicule

Be Available To Talk Be a Good Role Model Be Consistent and Predictable Play With Your Child! Give your Children Responsibility Help Your Child Develop Talents Take Their Ideas, Emotions and Feelings Seriously Allow Exploration and Encourage Questions Set Limits & Boundaries

Respect is a Two Way Street The relationship that you share with your child is the foundation for all other relationships that your child will have in their life. Giving and receiving respect is a two way street. In treating your child with respect you model respect that they will give back to you. This respect will also be shown to others that they build relationships later in life.

Fear Does Not Teach Respect! It Teaches…. Obedience Without Reason Distrust Causing Anxiety Discontent and Unhappiness Withdrawn or Low Social Skills Hostility with Violence Dishonesty Low Achievement Low Communication Rebellion

Affects of Fear Children from rigid homes are so strictly controlled, either by punishment or emotional guilt, that they are often prevented from making a conscious choice about decisions because they are overly concerned about what will happen to them.

Respect without Fear Promotes… Happy and Content Children Self-reliance Self-controlled High Social Communication Skills Cooperative Team Players Team Leaders High-Achiever’ Less Disruptive Lowers Delinquency Rate

Affects of Respectful Parenting Children whose parents have reasonable expectations for their children to fulfill commitments, participate actively in family duties, as well as have family fun, learn how to formulate goals and build healthy relationships. They also experience the satisfaction that comes from meeting responsibilities and achieving success.

Activity Most of us raise our children using the parenting techniques our parents used. In a group talk about the ways in which you were parented and the positive and negative outcomes of that. With what you learned today, what would you do differently using respectful parenting?

Assignment: Think of some appropriate solutions to the following situations? Tommy is throwing a ball in the living room and knocks over a lamp. Nicole is throwing sand at the other kids in the sand pile. Your three children are bickering in the backseat while you are driving on the interstate. Jerry, eating in a restaurant with you, creates a disturbance and humiliates you by belching and giggling loudly. Amy keeps forgetting to take her lunch money to school. You are always having to remind her to do it or take it to her at school. Jon won’t come in the house when you call him for dinner. Heather takes her brother’s money from his piggybank and spends it. Your teenager keeps the car out past the agreed time. Jocelyn refuses to do her homework. Craig leaves his dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper where they are supposed to go.

Children Learn What They Live If Children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live. ©Dorothy Law Nolte