Communicating in Close Relationships Chapter 9 Communicating in Close Relationships

Overview of Themes The importance of communication in close relationships Close relationships and the individual Communicating in friendships and romantic relationships The individual, relationship communication, and society Ethics and close relationships Improving your relationship initiation skills

The Importance of Communication in Close Relationships .

The Importance of Communication in Close Relationships Central to psychological and physiological health People are happier and healthier when they have good relationships

What Are Close Relationships? Relationships in which people see each other as unique and irreplaceable Communication marked by high disclosure and openness .

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Attraction Theory Proximity Attractiveness Similarity Physical Closeness Electronic Closeness Attractiveness Physical Attractiveness The Matching Hypothesis Personality Similarity Values and Interests Uncertainty Reduction Theory .

Social Penetration Theory Relationships increase through self- disclosure 3 dimensions of self-disclosure Breadth – range of topics Depth – how personal exchanges are Frequency – how often exchanges occur Irwin Altman .

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Uncertainty Reduction Theory Relationship development is facilitated or derailed by participants’ efforts to reduce their uncertainty about each other Focus on when people first meet If our initial attempts to reduce uncertainty lead to positive results, we will increase our disclosure .

Predicted Outcome Value Theory In early interactions, people reduce uncertainty to determine whether continuing to interact is worth time and energy Positive predictions  continued interaction Negative predictions  de-escalation of the relationship .

Relational Dialectic Theory We experience tension between contradictory, but related needs Autonomy/connection Expressiveness/privacy Change/predictability .

The Knapp and Vangelisti’s Stages of Relational Development .

Turning Point Model of Relationship Development .

Communicating in Friendships and Romantic Relationships .

Initiating Relationships Romantic Relationships Flirting Gender differences Communication and dating Friendships Conversational initiation skills vital Open with a non- threatening comment Ask broad, open- ended questions Listen attentively .

Maintaining Relationships Effective communication leads to relational satisfaction People use strategic and routine behaviors to keep relationships satisfying .

Relational Maintenance Strategies Romantic Relationships Positivity Openness Assurances Social Networks Sharing Tasks Joint Activities Mediated Communication Avoidance/Antisocial Humor Friendships Conversation Similar Communication Skills Assurances Positivity Open Discussion Listening Sharing Time .

Relationship Termination Difficulties in understanding relationship termination Unwillingness to discuss Identifying when termination begins Termination trajectories Sudden death Passing away .

Why Relationships End Romantic Relationships Lack of autonomy Lack of similarity Lack of supportiveness Infidelity Inequity Absence of romance “Fatal Attractions” Friendships Minimal pressure to maintain Lack of awareness Lack of proximity Decreased affection Lack of comm. skills Rule-breaking Deception Boredom .

Relationship Termination Strategies Romantic Relationships Negative identity management De-escalation Justification Behavioral Friendships Withdrawal/ avoidance Third-party message Positive tone Openness .

Aversive Communication Behaviors in Relationships Frequency Examples: Nagging, Criticizing, Teasing Deception The Impact of the Truth Bias Particularly Devastating in Friendships Jealousy Combination of Emotions Result of Perceived Threat to Relationship Gender Differences .

Aversive Communication Behaviors in Relationships, cont. Interpersonal Violence Frequency Battering Situational couple violence Sexual Coercion Date Rape vs. Sexual Coercion Contributors to Sexual Coercion .

The Individual, Relationship Communication, and Society .

Society, Power, Courtship and Marriage Society sets norms for mate selection & behavior—high homogeneity Society sets norms for communication behavior Social norms inhibit some groups from expressing their relationships Businesses set policies that affect employees’ relationships .

Society, Power, and Friendship Individuals face pressure from social groups regarding friendship choices Norms/beliefs about cross-sex friendships affect their enactment Society has norms about the relative role of friends in our lives .

Ethics and Close Relationships .

Some Guidelines Recognize the importance of authentic communication Confront important issues Take responsibility Allow others to speak from their own positions and experiences .

Improving Your Relationship Communication Skills .

Improving Your Relationship Communication Skills Communicating dissatisfaction is challenging and can lead to hurtful messages Hurtful messages can be unintentional or intentional Intensity of the message and context of the delivery affect reception of the message We still need to convey negative messages sometimes Apologies and justifications can help repair the damage .