Revising Thesis Statements Lack of funding for schools is a social problem. How can you make this more specific? What kinds of schools? Lack of what kind of funding? Why is this a social problem? Who or what does it affect? Why should we care? Sample Revisions: In the Seattle Public High Schools, cuts in funding have severely limited the instructional and facilities budgets, leading to overcrowded classrooms and overburdened teachers and administrators. Overcrowded classrooms create demoralizing and potentially dangerous conditions that may hinder learning and development, and the herding of too many students into one classroom increases the likelihood that some students will be marginalized or ignored. (NOTE: You will probably notice that this sample revision consists of two sentences rather than one. When you deal with complex issues, you may need to use a pre-thesis that sets up or defines the terms of your thesis.)

Revising your Thesis Rewrite your thesis statement to Refine your description of the Problem, making it more specific and focused. Show multiple reasons why this should be considered a social problem. (If possible, approach the problem from multiple points of view.) A Few Options: X is a serious social problem because it not only _____________, but it also ________________. Although X can affect ______________, at can also have an impact on ___________________.

Transitions/Topic Sentences The first sentence of each paragraph often has to work as both a transition (from the thesis or the paragraph above) and a topic sentence (a “mini-thesis” that sets up the argument of that paragraph). Use the momentum from your thesis to drive your topic sentence. Compose a topic sentence that a) connects to the thesis and b) presents the “mini-argument” of the next paragraph.