Team unity: 5 conflict management techniques "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" -- James 4:1 Conflict Management

Introduction

Christ gave a three-step procedure to use in resolving conflict in Matthew 18: The steps our Lord Jesus gave are: Approach the person alone. Often the two of you can resolve the conflict by yourselves and your friendship will be stronger than ever before. Of course, you must choose the time, situation, and manner of approach carefully. Find a mediator. If a direct approach does not work, or if it is not appropriate in the culture, you should choose a mediator. Again, choose a mediator carefully, one that you believe both parties will see as unbiased and in which both will have confidence. Take it to the church. If neither you nor the mediator can bring about resolution, the issue should be brought before the larger body. After the church comes to a decision, both of you are to accept the decision. The church is instructed to treat either party who does not abide by the decision as being outside the church.

Workshop Layout Teams will be named according to the symbols of each style Give a brief about the 5 conflict management techniques Each of the 4 groups will take the biblical case will present it after their discussion answering the questions about each case Team Coordinators will comment after each group using practical cases from the service.

Collaborating I win, you win (Let’s work together for everyone’s good) Symbol: Owl (The Wise Owl) Fundamental Idea: Teamwork and cooperation help everyone achieve their goals while also maintaining relationships Strategic philosophy: The process of working through differences will lead to creative solutions that will satisfy both parties' concerns When to use:  When there is a high level of trust  When you don't want to have full responsibility  When you want others to also have "ownership" of solutions  When the people involved are willing to change their thinking as more information is found and new options are suggested  When you need to work through animosity and hard feelings Drawbacks:  The process takes lots of time and energy  Some may take advantage of other people's trust and openness

Compromising You bend, I bend (I will meet you half way) Symbol: Fox (The wily fox) Fundamental Idea: Winning something while losing a little is OK Strategic philosophy: Both ends are placed against the middle in an attempt to serve the "common good" while ensuring each person can maintain something of their original position When to use:  When people of equal status are equally committed to goals  When time can be saved by reaching intermediate settlements on individual parts of complex issues  When goals are moderately important Drawbacks:  Important values and long-term objectives can be derailed in the process  May not work if initial demands are too great  Can spawn cynicism, especially if there's no commitment to honor the compromise solutions

The Council in Jerusalim, Acts 15: A Combination of Collaboration and Compromise What was the major issue in this conflict? Was this the first time this issue arose in the book of acts? Who were the major parties in this conflict? What was the major style of conflict management reflected here and over what primary issue? What was the secondary style and over what issues? What were some of the wise and positive ways in which this conflict was dealt with? What were the positive and ling term results of its successful management?

Accommodating I lose, you win (I will give in) Symbol: Teddy Bear (The Loveable Teddy Bear) Fundamental Idea: Working toward a common purpose is more important than any of the peripheral concerns; the trauma of confronting differences may damage fragile relationships Strategic philosophy: Appease others by downplaying conflict, thus protecting the relationship When to use:  When an issue is not as important to you as it is to the other person  When you realize you are wrong  When you are willing to let others learn by mistake  When you know you cannot win  When it is not the right time and you would prefer to simply build credit for the future  When harmony is extremely important  When what the parties have in common is a good deal more important than their differences Drawbacks:  One's own ideas don't get attention  Credibility and influence can be lost

Abraham & Lot, Genesis 13: 5 – 12 What kind of relationship have these two men had so far? What was the cause of conflict in this situation? How was the growing conflict manifesting itself? Who took the initiative in recognizing and dealing with the conflict? What style of conflict management sid Abraham reflect? Do you feel it was the right approach? Why? What were the positive results from this?

Competing I win, you lose (I will get my way) Symbol: Shark (The aggressive shark) Fundamental Idea: Associates "winning" a conflict with competition Strategic philosophy: When goals are extremely important, one must sometimes use power to win When to use:  When you know you are right  When time is short and a quick decision is needed  When a strong personality is trying to steamroller you and you don't want to be taken advantage of  When you need to stand up for your rights Drawbacks:  Can escalate conflict  Losers may retaliate

The Confrontation between Paul & Peter, Gal 2: 11 – 21 What was the cause of this conflict? What was the major issue? Did Peter know better? What motives did Paul attribute to Peter’s actions? What style did Paul reflect in this situation? Would a compromise or accommodation have been appropriate? Why do you think Paul was successful in his very authoritative approach to this conflict? What lessons are there for us in our own style of conflict management?

Avoiding No winners, no losers (I will stay out of it) Symbol: Turtle (The Passive Turtle) Fundamental Idea: This isn't the right time or place to address this issue Strategic philosophy: Avoids conflict by withdrawing, sidestepping, or postponing When to use:  When the conflict is small and relationships are at stake  When you're counting to ten to cool off  When more important issues are pressing and you feel you don't have time to deal with this particular one  When you have no power and you see no chance of getting your concerns met  When you are too emotionally involved and others around you can solve the conflict more successfully  When more information is needed Drawbacks:  Important decisions may be made by default  Postponing may make matters worse

The Controversy between Paul and Barnabas, Acts 15: 36: 40 What was the conflict issue here? What was the major concern of each in this conflict? Who do you feel was right ? Wrong? Do the two men appear to have taken the time and made the effort to work out a solution acceptable to everyone involved? What kind of management style might have preserved the relationship and also preserved their missionary goals? This conflict seems to have ended in failure. But even so, were there any positive results from it? What Practical lessons can we learn from this case?

The Controversy between Paul and Barnabas, Acts 15: 36: 40 Apparently Paul was task-oriented and did not want to take a chance on someone quitting, but Barnabas was people- oriented and did not want hurt feelings. We are not told how they tried to resolve the conflict, but they were not able to do so, and "they parted company." Of course, God works in all things to accomplish his purposes. He sent Barnabas and Mark to Cyprus, while Paul and Silas went to Syria. Note that later Paul changed his mind about Mark and asked to have him visit (2 Timothy 4:11). God uses our conflicts to advance his work.