The good, the bad and the ugly Anger The good, the bad and the ugly
Definitions? An emotion only? Mix of thoughts, feelings and behaviours associated with annoyance. Extreme end hostility re person or situation. Social script we learn do anger Value laden emotion Can be a shameful emotion
Good, Bad or Ugly ? Process, History, A current story, Future influence
Bad for your health? Releases the stress hormones Heart rate goes up 180 vs. to 80 Blood pressure goes up The flight or flight response Chronic or ruminative anger Increased risk of heart disease stroke Digestion problems Repairing relationships Stuck with resentments or bitterness Reduces general performance and problem solving For some gives permission for aggression
You will not be punished for your anger you will be punished by your anger.
Helpful Alerting Survival Motivator for change Expressing it in a useful way that does not hurt others
When is it a problem?
Problem You recognize your are overreacting Do you feel you need to get angry to get what you want? Someone alerts you Wake –up call Causing damage we regret People state they are afraid of raising difficulties with you because of your anger
Myths of anger Venting is healthy Anger is instinctual vs. we thrive on nurturance Anger always leads to aggression Anger is beyond our control
Anger formula Don’t react respond Don’t’ buy the myths – venting Responding to anger is not an easy skill, many ups and downs but it can be learned, it needs to be practiced.
Why do chief executives get paid more than surgeons?
Tasty baits INJUSTICES Unfair, Wrong, Improper, inconsiderate selfish, biased “ bad” INCOMPTENCES Inept, Inadequate, Stupid, lazy, unprofessional
Respect… Territory How to swim on buy Hook book Anger event Hook partner T.V Unfair Who was involved? How did it feel ? How did you react? What was the hook?
Needs not being met ? How would I change the situation if I could ? Have I encountered this before? Did I bite in the past? Damage or enduring consequences ? What is my need right now ? What will it mean if my need is not met? Identify need before you are hooked
Fill the need or adjust/accept ACT Accept thoughts and feelings rather than fight, Choose a direction, Take action Acceptance is not about passivity Riding the tiger Responding to anger with compassion rather than guilt Treating your anger like a baby.
Other strategies Lifestyle / diet etc. Increase opposite experience / emotion Examine your values, thinking or self talk Take time out Benefits of tolerance Use distraction Learn assertiveness
More strategies Rehearse visualize responding in your preferred way Rehearse with a friend Take an opportunity to practice Count to 10 Humour Remember that change takes time