1 So far we have learned that the absolute key to living is to function according to our God- designed pattern, where He is the core of our unconditional agape love, which becomes the purpose for existing and the interpreter of all data we encounter. The problem that we all have is that we are so ensconced in the mire of self, that we often cannot even see it, and have no idea what is destroying us. We think people are our enemies. This creates a massive problem for us because selfishness is lethal to everything it touches, every relationship, and since we cannot often see it, we have no idea why our relationships suffer and die. That means that each of us must recognize our problem and ask the Lord to heal us so that we can become HEALING agents in our relationships rather than problems in them.

2 Everything tethered to man is in a constant state of decline. Things associated to God like the Bible, forests and deserts continue to thrive. Things that men do begin, have their success and then decline and die because what men do is generally self-centered and self-serving.

3 Wouldn’t you say that 100% of our relationship problems comes from trying to bend issues according to our desires rather than working with God in what He is trying to accomplish in the issue in the first place? Let’s review our graphic and then try some test illustrations to see if we have learned the two ways of looking at and interpreting what is really going on around us and how to engage it rather than trying to fight it.

4 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Kindness Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Not provoked Remember that philos love is designed to come out of agape love, which drives philos love and provides its components and function.

5 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Kindness Not provoked Notice that godly philos love will always come out of agape love and always be unconditional even though it is reciprocal. When philos love is corrupted by a self-seeking conditional love which is a failure in the core, then all relationships are subordinated to the service of self and are sacrificed to the pleasure of self. I’m saying this because I want you to see how the character of philos love reflects its source. Characteristics like jealousy, manipulation or control indicate a self-serving core, which is helpful in diagnosing internal selfishness rather than allowing it to hide itself by blaming others. If we want to live well and enjoyably while on planet earth, we are going to have to learn how to distinguish between love that is corrupt and self-seeking, and love that is healthy and other-giving. If we don’t learn the distinction we will live and love parasitically, selfishly feeding upon those that we should be nourishing and nurturing.

6 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Eros love, when driven by agape love, is holy and healing. Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Eros Love Unity Peace Deep satisfaction Belonging Security Faithfulness Devotion Joy Self Sacrifice Kindness Not provoked

7 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Eros Love Unity Peace Deep satisfaction Belonging Security Faithfulness Devotion Joy Self Sacrifice Kindness Not provoked This total satisfaction allows God’s people to give their lives to others who are absolutely famished. Wife To a wife -

8 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Eros Love Unity Peace Deep satisfaction Belonging Security Faithfulness Devotion Joy Self Sacrifice Kindness Not provoked Wife To a child - Child

9 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Eros Love Unity Peace Deep satisfaction Belonging Security Faithfulness Devotion Joy Self Sacrifice Kindness Not provoked Wife Child To a neighbor or coworker - Neighbor

10 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love Pure friendship Intimate communion Security Peace Self- sacrifice Patience Preferring others Forgiving Not jealous Eros Love Unity Peace Deep satisfaction Belonging Security Faithfulness Devotion Joy Self Sacrifice Kindness Not provoked Wife Child And, like Jesus, even to an adversary! Neighbor Adversary This is the perfect design and perfect way to live, but that is not how we commonly live, is it? How is this perfect and amazingly satisfying system destroyed by us?

11 Agape LOVE = God SELF LOVE = god When Adam and Eve sinned, they ejected God as the source of their love as well as the drive for all they thought and did, and replaced God with the SELF who became the new god. Insecurity Frustratio n Anger Emptiness With SELF as the cause, purpose and origin for all thought, values and action, the quality and potential of life is immediately decimated. BLAME

12 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love SELF LOVE = god manipulation alcohol abuse With the core of life now totally dedicated exclusively to the SELF, notice how it affects the next level of love. Insecurity Frustratio n Anger With philos love being controlled by SELF, all of the thoughts and actions of that love will also have to serve SELF which will produce: jealousy control conflict heresy division Idolatry sensuality We would do well to understand that when God is not at the core, operating our being, we are at the service of an implacable, self- serving monster that will destroy everything around us. Remember also that we are created in God’s image, designed to be directed by His love in all of our choices and interaction with Him and others. Emptiness BLAME

13 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love SELF LOVE = god manipulation alcohol abuse This is important because if we are driven by selfishness, we will be blinded from seeing it. Insecurity Frustratio n Anger If self-love, rather than agape love is interpreting what is going on around us, then failures and disappointments will all be blamed on others rather than where it belongs – SELF. jealousy control conflict heresy division Idolatry sensuality Emptiness BLAME

14 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love SELF LOVE = god manipulation alcohol abuse Insecurity Frustratio n Anger jealousy control conflict heresy division Idolatry sensuality With these attributes visible, let’s consider some scenarios and see if we can identify the fruit and the origin accurately. A husband has an opportunity to advance in his work resulting in a considerable increase in pay. His wife complains that he is gone too much, is always tired and she said she says she sees no purpose for their marriage and is considering divorce. Emptiness BLAME Let’s use our chart and see if we can trace our way through the manifestations of philos love to the cause.

15 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love SELF LOVE = god manipulation alcohol abuse Insecurity Frustratio n Anger jealousy control conflict heresy division Idolatry sensuality Let’s start with the wife. What is wrong? Emptiness BLAME The most obvious is that she is experiencing conflict with her husband, and is perhaps using manipulation to get him to do what she wants. She probably made an idol of her husband because she cannot function without him even though she knows he is working to give her a better financial living.

16 Agape LOVE = God Philos Love SELF LOVE = god manipulation alcohol abuse Insecurity Frustratio n Anger jealousy control conflict heresy division Idolatry sensuality What about the husband? Emptiness BLAME He is trusting in his own ability to achieve something that will please his wife and give him more value and appreciation in her eyes.