Module Five: Interpersonal Listening

Please do the following: o List the three best listeners you know. o Do you dislike any of the three people you listed?  List three of the worst listeners you know  Do you like any of these three people?  List five characteristics each of the best and worst listeners you know  Friendly, warm, open, empathetic, honest, sincere  Closed, impatient, nervous, angry, unwilling to share

Interpersonal Listening  In interpersonal communication, listening is the activity to which we devote most of our time

The Stages of Listening  Receiving  Understanding  Remembering  Evaluating  Responding

Stage One: Receiving  Focus your attention on the speaker, not on what you’ll say next  Focus your attention on the speaker’s verbal and nonverbal messages  Avoid distractions in the environment  Maintain your role as listener

Stage Two: Understanding  Relate the speaker’s new information to what you already know  See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view  Ask questions for clarification  Rephrase the speaker’s ideas to check on your understanding of the speaker’s thoughts and feelings

Stage Three: Remembering Identify the central ideas and the major support advanced Summarize the important points of the message Repeat names and key concepts to yourself If this is a formal talk, identify and visualize the organizational structure of the information

 Write down all the words you remember Word List page 95

Stage Four: Evaluating  Resist evaluation until you fully understand the speaker’s point of view  Assume the speaker’s goodwill; ask for clarification on points to which you object  Distinguish facts from inferences, opinions, and personal interpretation by the speaker  Identify any biases, self-interests, or prejudices that may lead the speaker to slant information unfairly

Stage Five: Responding  Be supportive of the speaker by using varied backchanneling cues (I see, yes, uh-huh)  Express support for the speaker in your final responses  Own your own responses; state your thoughts and feelings as your own, using I-messages

Responding Styles 1)Judgmental/Evaluative 2)Advice 3)Questions 4)Supportive

Your Turn!  Complete “Test Yourself” on page 97  What do you do when you do your BEST listening?

Listening and Culture Culture impacts our listening : Language and speech: no one speaks exactly the same – different meanings/different experiences Direct and indirect styles – say what you mean/polite not literal truth Nonverbal differences – display rules Feedback – direct, honest/positive rather than truthful

Listening and Gender Men as listeners : Desire respect Display expertise Prefer more factual topics Give fewer listening cues Make less eye contact Listen less to women than women do to men

Listening and Gender (continued) Women as listeners: Desire to be liked Express interest Rarely interrupt Give many listening cues Make more eye contact Listen more to men than men do to women

The Purposes of Listening: The Same As the Purposes of Communication  Relate  Learn  Influence  Help  Play Please read the “Skills Toolbox” on page 99

Difficult Listeners Static listener – no feedback Monotonous feedback giver – same response… Overly expressive listener – react to all Eye avoider – looks everywhere but at you Preoccupied listener – listens to other things at same time Thought-completing listener – finishes your thought/sentences

Listening Dimensions  Empathic vs. Objective  Non-judgmental vs. Critical: watch your biases  Surface vs. Depth: literal or deeper  Active vs. Inactive: you understand all message – verbal, non verbal, content, feelings  READ pgs

Purposes of Active Listening  Show you are listening  Check understanding  Express acceptance  Explore feelings and thoughts

Techniques for Active Listening  Paraphrase the speaker’s thoughts  Express understanding of the speaker’s feelings  Ask questions

In Your Teams Complete the following: 1.A kindergarten teacher has told your five year old cousin that she or he will win a prize if she or he can be a good listener for one week. What would you teach your cousin to help her or him win the prize? 2.Compare and contrast the communicative behaviour of a person you go to when you need to vent and a person you avoid when you need to vent 3.How do you listen differently when you are listening for understanding versus when you are listening for pleasure?

And then….  Complete Assignment 5.2 on Page 110

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