Persuade to Revise Vicki Horton TBAWP (‘98) Pasco’s Writing Well Workshop June 2011

Draft a piece of writing persuading someone to revise a policy, procedure, or rule. (i.e. merit pay, off-shore drilling, over paying athletes, etc.)

Goal - To convince someone to revisit their idea(s) and make changes. Core Standards - Language Arts 8 1.Write arguments to support claims with clear reasons and relevant evidence. 4.Produce clear and coherent writing in which the development, organization, and style are appropriate to task, purpose, and audience. 5.With some guidance and support from peers and adults, develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising, editing, rewriting, or trying a new approach, focusing on how well purpose and audience have been addressed.

“If children are told to revise, it usually leads to corrected spelling and punctuation. We need to teach that revision means “to see again.” – Donald Graves, Writing: Teachers and Children at Work

If a teacher told me to revise, I thought that meant my writing was a broken-down car that needed to go to the repair shop. I felt insulted. I didn't realize the teacher was saying, "Make it shine. It's worth it." Now I see revision as a beautiful word of hope. It's a new vision of something. It means you don't have to be perfect the first time. What a relief! Naomi Shihab Nye

Revision - WTF? (Where’s The Focus)

Revising without focus is like swimming in the ocean with no land in sight, without help you’re bound to drown.

Begin at the beginning - the Lead. Let there be light. Leads are magic flashlights that shine down through a story showing the writer what to put in and what to leave out. John McPhee

Jump into the middle of your piece and leave the reader wanting more. And suddenly everything stops. Runa Alison James Every so often that dead dog dreams me up again. Dog HeavenStephanie Vaughn

Create a picture in the reader’s mind Abraham Lincoln wasn’t the sort of man who could lose himself in a crowd. After all, he stood 6 foot 4 inches tall, and to top it off he wore a high silk hat. His height was mostly in his long bony legs, and when He sat in a chair he seemed no taller than anyone else. It was only when he stood up that he towered about other men. Lincoln: a photobiographyRussell Freedman

Start with a line or two of dialogue. “Where is Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. Charlotte’s WebE. B. White

Begin with a thought inside a character or you. Mother taught me to be polite to dragons. Particularly polite, I mean; she taught me to be ordinarily polite to everyone. Well, it makes sense. With all the enchanted princess and disguised wizards and transformed kings and so on wandering around, you never know whom you might be talking to. But dragons are a special case. Talking to DragonsPatricia C. Wrede

Set up expectations, then surprise the reader. I would like to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather, not terrified and screaming like the other people in the car. Prairie Home Companion Garrison Keillor

Set up the action for the whole action for the piece in a few sentences. This is not a book about my life or yours. It does not hold the secret to success or salvation. It won’t strengthen your self-esteem. I don’t think it will get me on Oprah. I’m Dysfunctional, You’re Dysfunctional Wendy Kaminer

Shine the light on your piece of writing. Revise your lead. Try one of the suggestions shared.

Add energy, interest, and precision to your writing with Vivid Verbs

Substitute Vivid Verbs for common verbs

Examples The runaway took the purse from the lady in the subway station. The runaway grabbed the purse from the lady in the subway station. My eighth grade science class made volcanoes out of clay. My eighth grade science class constructed volcanoes out of clay. With no idea in mind, I walked around the neighborhood for hours. With no idea in mind, I meandered around the neighborhood for hours. Mrs. Jones said, “Your essay expresses a good deal of thought.” Mrs. Jones remarked, “Your essay expresses a good deal of thought.”

Eliminate “Be” Verbs from your Writing.

Replace the “be” verb with a better, more energetic verb. Andrew was close to the ice cream truck. Andrew stood close to the ice cream truck.

Eliminate the “be” verb by combining sentences that are related. I am away from the edge of the cliff. It is very dangerous because of the falling rocks. I stood away from the edge of the cliff because of the dangerous falling rocks.

Eliminate the “be” verb by rewording the sentence. I am a very responsible person because I take care of my money and my school grades. Taking care of my money and my school grades, I consider myself a responsible teen.

Use Vivid Verbs Revise your piece of writing by adding Vivid Verbs.

The first draft reveals the art, revision reveals the artist. Michael Lee

Revision pays great dividends! Now, polish your piece and publish it.

References Lane, B. (1999). Reviser’s Toolbox. Vermont: Discover Writing Press Caskey, J. (2005). ElaborWrite Method : Teaching Students to elaborate writing. Florida:ElaborWrite, LLC