First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah! College Application Essay Workshop

Prompt Write your name at the top of their paper Look for the prompt. Is it typed at the top of the paper? If not, write a note asking them to do so. Provide your partner with your prompt. Read the entire essay. Do not comment on it yet, just read it. Does the essay answer every aspect of the prompt?

Showing vs. Telling Remember from Monday/Tuesday: Telling: (middle of ladder) Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,” “love” Telling about an example rather than telling the example like a story Showing: (bottom of ladder) Think back to Beowulf. Remember when we highlighted the CONCRETE details, the things from the BOTTOM of the abstraction ladder? That’s what you are looking for in this essay. Paints a picture of what those abstract ideas look like Clear, concrete pictures Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now

Labeling the ANECDOTE Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using your highlighters Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (GREEN CONCEPTS)= top of abstraction ladder Blue=Telling= middle of abstraction ladder Pink=Showing= bottom of abstraction ladder

Based on the ANECDOTE (not the rest of the essay) What sense do you get from the story (positive, negative)? Are you getting a sense of any “green” concepts? Jot them down. Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time? Is it vague? You can easily answer this by looking at the percentage of “showing” words you highlighted. If you highlighted more TELLING than showing, then the story is probably vague. If you highlighted more SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling? If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this If yes, write how they achieved this

Thesis Check Does the writer have a thesis including three green words? Highlight and circle the three green words If thesis is missing, write that in the margins

Are the green words in the thesis supported by the anecdote? In other words, do the green words you wrote in the margin match the ones in the thesis? They don’t have to be exact, but they should be similar. Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words are not shown and which ones need to be clearer.

“Showing” Evaluation Check for clichés “Quiet as a mouse” “bored to tears” “bright as the sun” Circle all clichés and write a different way to phrase it next to each Is it written in the appropriate register?

Is it Connected to the Prompt? Look at everything after the anecdote: Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt (commentary) Circle areas that don’t connect the anecdote to the prompt and feel “out of place” or “off topic.”

Cut the Fluff Read the paper again. Cross out anything that doesn’t add value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or whole sentences) Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote

Wonderful/Things to Consider At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that they did really well Be specific Everyone does at least two things right in every essay Write TWO things that they need to improve Be specific AND offer a way to fix it. Always assume they made an error because they don’t know how to do it.

For tomorrow You must turn in ALL of the following to be consider “complete” and “on-time.” Final draft with prompt typed on it Turnitin.com receipt Workshopped draft Original anecdote with CROWN stamp