Managing Anger Responding vs reacting. Anger Management NORMAL Anger is a NORMAL emotion Protects our rights and freedoms “I AM” Says “I AM” Most difficult.

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Presentation transcript:

Managing Anger Responding vs reacting

Anger Management NORMAL Anger is a NORMAL emotion Protects our rights and freedoms “I AM” Says “I AM” Most difficult of human emotions

Anger Management What words do you use to describe being angry?

Anger Management constructive & destructive repressed anger (anxiety, physical symptoms) repressed anger (anxiety, physical symptoms) Behind anger is hurt Behind anger is hurt uncontrolled - can hurt and destroy uncontrolled - can hurt and destroy alcohol makes it worse alcohol makes it worse

Anger Management A cruel blow (verbally or physically) once delivered, can be taken back. can NEVER be taken back. “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26

Anger Management We learn about anger from our families. Was it OK or NOT OK to express anger in your house?

Anger Management How did your mother act when she was angry? How did your father act? How did your father act? How did you express anger? How did you express anger? What happened when you did? What happened when you did?

Anger Management Know your anger signals... How does your body feel when you are angry? How do you act when you are angry? How do you act when you are angry?

Anger Management Do you... Get mean and find blame? Act extra nice & try to please? Laugh and become sarcastic? Become withdrawn or quiet? Procrastinate? Break promises? Have difficulty eating & sleeping?

Anger Management Million Dollar Question Who makes you angry?

Anger Management We make ourselves angry! What really makes us angry is our THINKING about things that happen to us... That is, how we PERCEIVE what happens to us WE FEEL THE WAY WE THINK

Anger Management Responding vs Reacting When you react outward events, people, etc. CONTROL YOU You lose your center Your emotions run away You’re out of control

Anger Management Responding vs Reacting When you respond your INNER SELF directs you You remain centered, grounded, balanced You are in control You remain self-directed

Anger Management We make ourselves angry through self-angering thoughts: HOT THOUGHTS - cause you to react COOL THOUGHTS - cause you to respond

Anger Management 6 ways we make ourselves angry: 1. Labeling 2. Mind-reading 3. Fortune-telling 4. Catastrophizing 5. Shoulditis 6. Vengeance

Anger Management Ways we deal with anger... STUFFING usually begins with “I” followed by statements like: “I’m not angry or upset.” (denial) “She really doesn’t mean to get me angry.” (sympathy) “I really screwed up this time.” (low self-esteem) “I really don’t have a right to get angry.” (doubting) “I know he’s just trying to make me angry.” (intellectualizing) Leads to the Mt. Vesuvius Effect

Anger Management Ways we deal with anger... ESCALATING escalators begin their sentences with “YOU” “Why did YOU do that?” “YOU made me angry!” “YOU jerk!” Escalators do just that... they escalate into a major blow up

Anger Management Ways we deal with anger... DIRECT IT the most difficult to do, but the most constructive Simple Formula I feel angry ______________________ I would like ______________________

Anger Management People who communicate their anger directly: Get their point across Feel better Communicate better