Recognize and revise padded, empty and stringy or overloaded sentences Problem Sentences Recognize and revise padded, empty and stringy or overloaded sentences

The reason Sentences lose power when they are difficult to understand or too wordy. Goal is to make every word count, so that your reader is not lost or bored.

Problem sentences Padded Commonly used “padding” contains unnecessary words/phrases Commonly used “padding” On account of the fact that------ use “because” In spite of the fact that--- use “although” What I want to say is----- eliminate the phrase I believe/think----eliminate the phrase

For example The shed that is on the mountain houses the goats. The shed on the mountain houses the goats.

Problem Empty Repeats ideas previously mentioned irrelevant to the topic Unsupported opinions

For example Empty: Nuclear pollution is a serious environmental problem. It is probably the world’s most serious problem ever. Revision: Nuclear pollution is a serious environmental problem because nuclear waste can leak into the water supply and remain radioactive for centuries.

Problem Overloaded--- too much information in one sentence. To fix it divide the information into multiple sentences, use transitions, and/or add words to make clauses sentences.

For example The soccer player, who adjusted her shin guard, ran back onto the field, sidestepped two defenders, took the pass at a dead run, then drilled the ball into the goal, which made the crowd applaud wildly.

Revision The soccer player adjusted her shin guard and ran back onto the field. Next she sidestepped two defenders, took the pass at a dead run, and drilled the ball into the goal. The crowd applauded wildly.

Problem Stringy Overuse of the word “and”. Causes readers to lose the focus of the sentence. Revise by using other transitions (which) or by creating separate sentences.

For example To bake bread, he goes to his cousin’s house, and his cousin has a brick oven there, and the bread gets wonderfully crisp, and it smells amazing, and we love to eat it with jam.

Revision To bake bread, he goes to his cousin’s house, where there is a brick oven. The bread gets wonderfully crisp and smells amazing. We love to eat it with jam.

Stringy, empty, overloaded or padded? Fruits and vegetables should be part of everyone’s daily diet and they contain important nutrients and those nutrients should be consumed regularly.

Stringy, empty, overloaded or padded? We should all eat fruits and vegetables every day.

Stringy, empty, overloaded or padded? Many provide vitamins and antioxidants that enhance health, offer natural fibers (that aid digestion), besides which eating a lot of them may help lower cholesterol, which may ward off heart disease.

Stringy, empty, overloaded or padded? It should be mentioned that they may help prevent cancer.