Habit 4 Think Win-Win Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

Habit 4 in Our Paradigms Think Win-Win Feeling Thoughts Behavior

Paradigms of Interdependence Private Victory proceeds Public Victory

No Short Cuts Can’t jump to effective relationships without the maturity, strength of character You simply have to travel the road You can’t be successful with other people, if you haven’t paid the price of success with yourself

Quick Fix

You can’t have Fruits without Roots Independence is achievement Interdependence is choice You may have degree of success when sun is shinning but no foundation in times of difficulty The most important ingredient in any relationship is not what we say or do but what we r

Entering whole new dimension Proactive Principles Organized Rich associations Growth Stop treating symptoms and start treating problems

Measure each word

مَّا يَلْفِظُ مِن قَوْلٍ إِلَّا لَدَيْهِ رَقِيبٌ عَتِيدٌ )Qaaf:18( Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: A salve (of Allah) may utter a word which pleases Allah without giving it much importance and due to that Allah will raise him to degrees. A salve (of Allah) may utter a word which displeases Allah without thinking of its gravity and due to that he will be thrown into the hell fire.” (Bukhari)

Principles of Interpersonal Leadership Is the problem People or Paradigm??

Success of one means failure of others

Trying to get fruits of cooperation from competition Flawed Paradigm Think Win-Win Trying to get fruits of cooperation from competition

All accountable of own deeds إِنَّمَا يُبْعَثُ النَّاسُ عَلَى نِيَّاتِهِمْ It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “People will be resurrected (and judged) according to their intentions.” (Ibn majah)

Six Paradigms of Human Interaction Philosophy of Human Interaction

WIN Don’t necessarily want anyone else to lose They get what they want Securing his own end, leaving others to feel secure theirs

Win-Lose Authoritarian approach Prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get their way Love is conditional Everything is extrinsically defined People graded in relation to other people Dysfunctional mentality for cooperation

Lose/Win No standard, no demands, no expectations, no vision Quick to please or appease Seek strength from popularity or acceptance Little courage to express their own feelings Win/Lose people feed on Lose/Win ones Bury a lot of feelings

Lose/Lose When two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact Both vindictive and want to ‘get even’ Blind to fact that revenge is two-edge sword Philosophy of war ‘If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser isn’t so bad.’

Win-Win Mutual benefit in all interaction Mutual satisfaction All parties feel good about decision All feel committed to action plan There is plenty for everyone One person success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others

Not your way or my way but it’s better way, a high way! Win or Loose Activity Not your way or my way but it’s better way, a high way!

Which Option is Best? No Deal

Win/Win Agree to disagree agreeably No expectations have been created Feel liberated as no need to manipulate anyone ‘I want to win, and I want you to win.’

Five Dimensions of Win-Win Lets not do it your way or my way; Lets do it best way!

Think…… Think of a situation which is win-lose What could the people do to make this situation win-win? What win-win attitude is required?

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague

Character Integrity : Habit 1,2,3: Self-Awareness Maturity: Balance between courage and consideration Abundance Mentality: Plenty for everyone

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband 1-10 scale Take help from habit 1,2,3 Balance Courage vs Consideration Abundance Mentality With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague Where does your relationship stand? At what end balance is missing?

Relationships Emotional Bank Account and trust Without trust, we compromise only Without trust, we lack credibility With trust, we put cards on table, even when we see things different With trust, negative energy is eliminated

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband 1-10 scale Take help from habit 1,2,3 Balance Courage vs Consideration Abundance Mentality Understand other person perspective What can you do to make it win win With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague

Give definition and direction to win/win Agreements Give definition and direction to win/win Desired results: what is to be done and when Guidelines: parameters within which result has to be accomplished Resources: Human, technology, financial Accountability: Standard and time Consequences: good or bad, natural or logical

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband 1-10 scale Take help from habit 1,2,3 Balance Courage vs Consideration Abundance Mentality Understand other person perspective What can you do to make it win win Do I really want to improve? Abundance vs scarcity mentality Result of win-lose Benefits of win win With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague

Rewards System System has to support it You get what you reward Align with goals and values

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband 1-10 scale Take help from habit 1,2,3 Balance Courage vs Consideration Abundance Mentality Understand other person perspective What can you do to make it win win Do I really want to improve? Abundance vs scarcity mentality Result of win-lose Benefits of win win Desired result Should and should not’s Resources Consequences With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague

Situations Character Relationship Performance Reward Process With Husband 1-10 scale Take help from habit 1,2,3 Balance Courage vs Consideration Abundance Mentality Understand other person perspective What can you do to make it win win Do I really want to improve? Abundance vs scarcity mentality Result of win-lose Benefits of win win Desired result Should and should not’s Resources Consequences Key issues and concerns Acceptable solution Possible new options With parents/ Inlaws With Kids With Colleague

Lessons on win/win Hare and Tortoise

I’m the fastest runner. That’s not true. The fastest runner is me!

Ok, let’s have a race. Fine!

Poor guy! Even if I take a nap, he could not catch up with me.

Loose-Win

The Story Continues … Season 2

Lost: overconfident, careless and lax soul-searching Lost: overconfident, careless and lax Why did I lose the race?

Can we have another race? Ok.

Win- Loose

But the story doesn't end here … Season 3

How can I can win the hare?

Sure! Can we have another race? This time we’ll go through a different route.

Goal

Loose-Loose What should I do?

The story still hasn't ended … Season 4

Hi, buddy. How about doing our last race again? Great! I think we could do it much better, if we two help each other.

Win-Win

Check the items you do 90% of time Actions consistent with your promises, values and emotions? Courage and consideration for the ideas and feelings of self and others Do you have an abundance mentality? Believe people are doing their very best and they deserve respect, consideration and kindness You listen intently to other people’s position You communicate clear expectations You focus on the positive but provide constructive feedback on potential improvement areas

To get in touch…. Dr. Kanwal Kaisser hbheadoffice@gmail.com Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @ HamarayBachchay hbheadoffice@gmail.com