Interpersonal Communication Chapter 6

Interpersonal Communication The process of using messages to generate meaning between at least two people in a situation that allows mutual opportunities for both speaking and listening. (p. 136) Broad definition, very general. Includes everyone we talk to.

Interpersonal Communication Interpersonal Relationships – Associations between two people who are interdependent, who use some consistent patterns of interaction, and who have interacted for an extended period of time. (p. 137) More specific (pure) definition. Develops from interpersonal communication.

Interpersonal Communication Which individuals below would you not consider as having an interpersonal relationship with? Mother? Best friend? Cashier? Boss? Instructor?

Interpersonal Communication Complementary relationships – Where each person supplies something the other person lacks. (p. 139) Symmetrical relationships – Where each individual mirror each other or are highly similar. (p. 139)

Activity How many friends do you have? How many are close friends? How many are “best” friends? Think of what you look for in a friend In other words, what characteristics should they have? Would you consider most of your friends complementary or symmetrical?

Reasons for Relationships Proximity – Location, distance, or range between persons. Attractiveness – How desirable is this person? How much “social value” do they have? Would he/she make you look better? Similarity – Like or dislike the same things. Complementarity – strengths are our weaknesses.

Interpersonal Relationships Self-disclosures The process of making intentional revelations about yourself that others would be unlikely to know that generally constitute private, sensitive, or confidential information. (p. 140) BUILDS AND MAINTAINS RELATIONSHIPS!!! Increases feelings of closeness or intimacy. Tends to be reciprocal. (back and forth) Helps others to see us as unique individuals. Varies across individuals, relationships, and cultures.

Self-Disclosures  Curvilinear Relationship:   Relational high  Relational Satisfaction   low low high Self-disclosure

Relational Development Bonding Integrating Intensifying Experimenting Initiating TIME

Relational Development Initiating – “Hello” … Experimenting – Sharing information at a safe level. Intensifying – Active participation, mutual concern, both acknowledge relationship is developing. Integrating – Mirroring. Merge social circles. Common property. Shared interests/values. Bonding – Commitment. Exchange personal items. Public rituals that display bond. (Marriage, birth of child, deaths, etc.)

Relationship Maintenance Establishment of strategies for keeping the relationship together. Occurs throughout the development process, even though the book says it takes place after bonding. Frequency of contact keeps relationships going. Helps to predict how satisfied you are with your relationship.

Relationship Maintenance What do you use to maintain your friendships? What works best? What are you most satisfied with? What would you rather not do?

Relationship Deterioration Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Termination TIME

Relationship Deterioration Differentiating – Emphasize differences. Do things separate from each other. Circumscribing – Decreased interaction, less time spent together, less breadth and depth to disclosures. Stagnating – Lack of activity together. Only together for convenience. Awkward conversations. Avoiding – Active avoidance. Negative conversations (try to hurt each other). Terminating – Divorce, ending of relationship.

Relationship Stage Model Bonding Differentiating Integrating Circumscribing Intensifying Stagnating Avoiding Experimenting Initiating Termination TIME

Relational Dialectics Relational Dialectics – “the tension that exists between two conflicting or interacting forces, elements, or ideas…having two opposing ideas [or desires/feelings] for maintaining the relationship” (p. 146) Both/And

Relational Dialectics Separateness >----------------< Connectedness (Separation) (Integration) “I need some alone time” “Why don’t we do more things together?” Certainty >--------------------------< Uncertainty (Stability) (Change) “I’m glad you’ll always be here” “You’re so boring and predictable” Openness >-------------------------< Closedness (Expression) (Privacy) “Why don’t you tell me when you’re mad” “Quit being such a cry-baby”

Relational Dialectics Which relational dialectic is apparent in this clip? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOH0tRUqh1k

Questions?