“Get Curious, Not Furious!” 5 th Strategy of The Virtues Project

Housekeeping – Restrooms- Phones on vibrate iPhone – Virtues Reflection Cards Virtues Educator Cards LIKE us on FACEBOOK

Terry Rahn Master Facilitator of The Virtues Project™

A global grassroots initiative that is transforming the culture of homes, schools, organizations and communities, through awakening virtues, our gifts of character using five simple strategies!

They’re what is good in us The gifts of our character The qualities of our spirit Our inner strengths

Virtues: The Gifts of Character Assertiveness Caring Cleanliness Commitment Compassion Confidence Consideration Cooperation Courage Courtesy Creativity Detachment Determination Reliability Respect Responsibility Self-discipline Service Tact Thankfulness Tolerance Trust Trustworthiness Truthfulness Understanding Unity Diligence Enthusiasm Excellence Flexibility Forgiveness Friendliness Generosity Gentleness Helpfulness Honesty Honor Humility Idealism Integrity Joyfulness Justice Kindness Love Loyalty Moderation Modesty Orderliness Patience Peacefulness Perseverance Purposefulness

To teach you the 5 th Strategy of The Virtues Project™ - “Offer Companioning”

Give your best to each activity Follow the directions for each exercise Finish activities within allotted time frame Follow the boundaries that established

 Launched in1991  Three people  Response to school shooting and youth violence in the US 1989  Began as a parenting program  Virtues the common thread  Soon discovered universal application

 Moral Life of Babies by Paul Bloom (2010)  (Psychology Professor at Yale)  Babies possess certain moral foundations — the capacity and willingness to judge the actions of others, some sense of justice, gut responses to altruism and nastiness. Regardless of how smart we are, if we didn’t start with this basic apparatus, we would be nothing more than amoral agents, ruthlessly driven to pursue our self-interest.

Trust, Trustworthiness, Generosity, Empathy Inhibits Oxytocin- can cause Immorality - Increase Stress Increase Testosterone Decrease in Nurturing

Increases Testosterone & Decreases Cortisol (Increases Assertiveness & Confidence & Peacefulness) Decreases Testosterone & Increases Cortisol – Decreases Assertiveness & Confidence Increases Stress & Anxiety

THE FIVE STRATEGIES

Speak the Language Recognize Teachable Moments Set Clear Boundaries Honor the Spirit Offer Companioning TM

The A.R.T. of Boundaries Assertiveness Respect Trust Do what is right for you Be deeply present without advising, interrupting, rescuing, criticizing, teasing Be worthy of trust. What we say here stays here.

The Virtues Pick  Pick a new partner.  Share something about what’s up in your life at this time (whatever you want to share about).  Read your virtue card aloud (both sides) and share how it is speaking to you.  Partner, companion in SILENCE with no cross talk.  When first person finishes sharing, partner give VIRTUES ACKNOWLEGEMENT and write the virtues on their gem tag.

What did you appreciate about this activity?

Boundaries Keep Us Safe Boundaries Keep Us Safe

Clear boundaries are needed when we have a problem.

Clear boundaries are needed to create a safe and peaceful learning environment.

OFFER COMPANIONING

 It is a way of getting to the heart of the matter by asking questions rather than giving quick answers. In times of conflict it is the willingness to stop and ask questions. Don’t get furious, get curious!  Draw on a person’s own truth to solve a moral dilemma.

 The goal of offering companioning, whether offered to a child or an adult, is to listen deeply, acknowledging what they are feeling and experiencing; then, gently guiding them to their own answer with open ended questions.

This is the strategy that you use when someone else has a problem.

COMPASSION DETACHMENT

Getting to the Heart of the Matter Offer Companioning to…

Is NotIs What It Is and What It Is Not A FixWalk Along A RescueRespect CuringCaring AdvicePresence SympathyCompassion & Detachment TellingListening Victim-basedVirtues-based

Don’t Get Furious. Get Curious!

WHAT & HOW

STEPS in the PROCESS STEPS in the PROCESS 1.Open the Door 2.Offer receptive silence 3.Ask cup-emptying questions 4.Focus on perceptual cues (Heart of Matter) 5.Ask Virtues reflection questions 6.Ask closure & integration questions 7.Offer Virtues acknowledgments

 VIDEO CLIP of Boy with a Bad Dream

 Something on my mind lately  The Big Rocks in my Life…. handout  A challenge or concern in my life  Something I’m excited about  A sacred moment in my life

What did you appreciate about this activity?

 Go outside- walk slowly & contemplatively, allowing your attention to become diffuse, open to whatever is drawn to you. (? Leaf, sky, fence….)  Spend at least 10 minutes with it contemplatively then journal about what gift it has for you  Share with someone–Offer Companioning

What did you appreciate about this activity?

 Be fully present  Don’t try to fix or rescue  Use the magic words “What” and “How”  Prepare yourself by using Compassion & Detachment  Set boundaries about your time & attention  Use companioning to diffuse anger  Use companioning for conflict resolution, problem solving & strategic planning

Inspiring virtues in the home, school, workplace and community! For information on products and services :