Assertiveness

Introduction There are a number of situations in which we may find it difficult to express ourselves honestly and openly or to stand up for our rights when they are violated.

What is Assertiveness Turn to worksheet 15, What’s your Refusal Style? (page 54) Take a minute to fill out the worksheet

Definitions Assertiveness- calmly but firmly standing up for your rights, or expressing your thoughts or feelings without hurting others. Assertiveness is giving facts or reasons for your opinions or beliefs while respecting someone else’s. Aggressiveness- acting in a way that may violate other peoples’ rights. Aggressiveness is getting in someone’s face, being hostile, loud and forceful, overreacting or just being obnoxious. Passiveness- accepting things without objection or resistance, not responding or reacting to something you feel strongly about. It means not asking for something you want, or not letting people know when they do something that bothers you.

Points to Make There are many advantages to being assertive. The main ones include: Increasing the likelihood of getting what you want Personal satisfaction Increased self-esteem Increased sense of control over your life Less anxiety from interpersonal conflict Decreased chances of being used/taken advantage of

Assertive Situations Turn to a partner, discuss common situations where an assertive response is called for.

Assertive situations Examples Saying “no” to a request Asking for a favor Taking back defective merchandise Not allowing someone to get ahead of you in line at the movies Expressing a difference of opinion Telling a person if there is something about him that buggs you Telling a clerk when he has short-changed you You are on a date with someone who wants to kiss you and your do not want to Some of your friends have started to smoke cigarettes and are pressing you to try it A good friend of yours would like to copy your homework assignment

Verbal Assertive Skills Refusal skills Saying NO Step 1: State your position The most important step is to the other person “NO” Step 2: Give a Reason Give the person a reason so they will understand why you are saying “NO” Step 3: Be Understanding If your refusal of someone’s request is likely to make him/her feel bad, you should be understanding of their feelings

Example Someone at school asks to borrow your jacket for the schoolyard after lunch because they left their jacket in the classroom Let’s work it out: Step 1:__________________ Step2:__________________ Step3:__________________ Turn to page 56, take a minute and complete worksheet 16

Refusal Technique # 2: Making Request and Asserting Rights Another skill involves asking someone for a favor and asserting rights. This consists of a two-step procedure Step 1: State the problem or situation to be changed. Step 2: Make the request to correct the problem or change the situation Page 53

Refusal Skill 3: Expressing Your Feelings- Using “I” Statements Page 55 Step 1: Think about what you want to say. Step 2: Tell the other person how you feel or what you think

Non-Verbal Assertive Skills Verbal is what you say, Non-verbal is how you say it You can use verbal and non-verbal assertive skills at the same time.

Verbal and Non-Verbal Assertive skills Loudness of voice: Speak with a strong, confident tone of voice Fluency of speech: Speak in a smooth fashion (try not to hesitate) Eye Contact: Look the person directly in the eye Facial expression: Be certain your facial expressions are saying what you are saying Body position- be certain your body position matches what your are saying (don’t slouch if you are trying to be assertive) Distance: maintain the right distance

Points to Make Assertiveness involves both verbal and nonverbal behavior When you send the same nonverbal and verbal message, you increase the likelihood of communicating your message effectively.

Now Let’s PRACTICE