EXPLORING MARRIAGES AND FAMILY, 2ND EDITION Karen Seccombe Chapter 3 Building Relationships Special Topic: LGBT © 2015, 2012 by Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Relationships Chapter 3 discusses the processes by which we develop relationships with others Singles Friendships Dating/Courtship/Mate Selection Heterosexual Cohabitation Gay and Lesbian Intimate Relationships © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Acknowledging oneself as LGTB However, lesbian, gay, transgender, or bisexual (LGTB) intimate relationships require an additional step: Acknowledging oneself as LGTB This is not easy because of the prejudice and discrimination that many LGTBs face © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Bullying A study of over 7,500 U.S. youths between ages 14-22 found that gays and lesbians were 3 times more likely than heterosexual teens to report being bullied. “faggot” “homo” “sissy” “dyke” “queer” © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Bullying Another study found that one-third of gay or lesbian youth had been threatened or injured at school in the last year alone. Gays and lesbians hear anti-gay slurs as often as 26 times per day. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Consequences Large, population-based public health studies have found that LGTB youth (compared with non-LGBT youth): have higher rates of major depression and anxiety have higher rates of alcohol and drug use have higher rates of suicide have higher rates of homelessness © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Consequences are more likely to be bullied verbally or physically are at greater risk for skipping school and dropping out © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

For example: Suicide Suicide is the leading cause of death among gay and lesbian youth. LGTB youth are more than 5 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth (22% vs. 4%). Over 30% of all teen suicides each year are committed by LGBT youth. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Supportive Communities A recent study of 31,852 students in 11th grade in Oregon found that the risk of attempting suicide among LGBT youth was 20% lower in “supportive communities” than in nonsupportive ones. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Supportive Communities How did researchers define a “supportive community”? many same-sex couples the presence of gay-straight alliances in schools school policies, such as antibullying or nondiscrimination, that protect lesbian, gay, and bisexual students proportion of registered Democrats © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The “Coming Out” Continuum Building intimate relationships with others first requires that we know and accept ourselves. “Coming out” occurs on a continuum. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The “Coming Out” Continuum Opening Up to Yourself Your journey is beginning. You’re asking yourself questions. Coming Out You are actively talking for the first time with others about your sexual orientation or gender identity. Living Openly The ongoing phase after the initial conversation about your life as a LGTB person. You are now able to tell new people that come into your life--where and when it feels appropriate to you. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Deciding to Tell Others Most people “come out” because they can’t stand hiding who they are anymore. They want their personal relationships to be stronger, richer, more fulfilling, and authentic. “Everyone needs to make their own decision about when to come out. For me, it’s important that people I’m close to know about this important piece of me.” © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Benefits of “Coming Out” Living an open and whole life Developing closer, more genuine relationships Building self-esteem from being known and loved for who you really are Reducing the stress of hiding your identity Connecting with others who are LGBT and joining a strong and vibrant community © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Benefits of “Coming Out” Helping to dispel myths and stereotypes about who LGTB people are and what their lives are like Making it easier for younger LGTB people who will follow in your footsteps © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Reactions from Others A person who has just had someone “come out” to them often feels: surprised honored scared uncomfortable unsure how to react © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Reactions from Others supportive disbelieving angry curious © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Risks of “Coming Out” Not everyone will be understanding or accepting. Family, friends, or co-workers may be shocked, confused, or even hostile. Some relationships may permanently change. Some people may experience harassment or discrimination. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Risks of “Coming Out” Some young people, especially those under age 18, may be thrown out of their homes or lose financial support from parents. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Possible Rejection by Family About half of gay and lesbian youth report that their parents initially rejected them due to their sexual orientation. About one-quarter of gay and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts over their sexual orientation. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Possible Rejection by Family In a study of 194 gay and lesbian youth, one-quarter were verbally abused by parents, and nearly 10% dealt with threatened or actual violence. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Living Openly on Your Terms The journey from “coming out” to “living openly” is ongoing, and unfolds at your own pace. Living openly is something that becomes easier with time. Living openly allows authentic relationships. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Living Openly on Your Terms “Admitting I was gay to myself took a long time. Once I was past that step, I realized that not everyone would accept me. But it’s not about them. It’s about me, living my life as the person I really am.” © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

Living Openly on Your Terms “It’s those first five minutes in coming out to your friends or acquaintances that are really the hardest. But after that, things get better than before because there’s nothing standing in between you anymore.” © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

References Bryner, J. February 3, 2010. “Gay and Lesbian Teens Bullied More than Heterosexuals.” LiveScience. Online: http://www.livescience.com/6048-gay-lesbian-teens-bullied-heterosexuals.html CBS News. March 30, 2007. “Bullies Target Lesbians, Gay Teens.” Online: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/03/30/health/wbmd/main2630785.shtml © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

References Hatzenbuehler, M.L. 2011. “The Social Environment and Suicide Attempts in Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth.” Pediatrics. Human Rights Campaign. 2006. A Resource Guide to Coming Out. Online: http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.

References PFLAG. 2010. “Today’s Gay Youth: The Ugly, Frightening Statistics” Online: http://www.pflagphoenix.org/education/youth_stats.html Ray, N. 2006. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth: An Epidemic of Homelessness.” New York: National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute and the National Coalition for the Home-less. © 2015, 2012 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved.