English I Honors Expository Essay (actions vs. words) Revising Your Essay

Revising/Editing Content:  Clear, well-written thesis statement  Topic sentences should be clearly separate from your concrete details  Two separate paragraphs exploring two different types of concrete details (e.g., one historical, one personal)  Concrete details should not be hypothetical or vague  Avoid rambling in the commentary

Revising/Editing Grammar and Usage:  Remove the second person (you) from your writing  Avoid clichés, idioms, and colloquialisms  Sentence variety and word choice are important!!  Definitely make sure to remove the careless errors (capitalization, basic punctuation)  Use your grammar and revision guide!!!

Revising/Editing Academic Writing  Consult with the list on p. 8 in your Grammar and Revision Guide  Circle or highlight the words from this list that you find in your essay…then work to remove them.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 1. Introductory Bits (Small-Medium-Large)  Small (one word) Generally, extraterrestrials are friendly and helpful. Moreover, some will knit booties for you if you ask nicely.  Medium (two- to four-word) In fact, Godzilla is just a misunderstood teen lizard of giant proportions. Throughout his early life, he felt a strong affinity with a playful dolphin named Flipper.  Large (more than four words) If you discover that you feel nauseated, then you know you’ve tried my Clam Surprise.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 2. FANBOYS  Joining independent clauses = comma My hamster loved to play, so I gave him a hula-hoop.  Joining words and phrases = no comma My hamster loved to play and often ate marshmallows. complete thought FANBOYS complete thought FANBOYS not a complete thought

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 3. Fanboys Fakers  However, therefore, moreover…these are conjunctive adverbs, not FANBOYS, and need different punctuation! Good: Basketball is my favorite sport. However, table tennis is where I excel. Also Good: Basketball is my favorite sport; however, table tennis is where I excel.  BAD: Basketball is my favorite sport, however table tennis is where I excel.  ALSO BAD: Basketball is my favorite sport, however, table tennis is where I excel.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 4. The Dreaded Comma Splice  Bad: My hamster loved to play, I gave him a hula-hoop. You wore a lovely hat, it was your only defense.  Good: You wore a lovely hat, for it was your only defense. You wore a lovely hat; it was your only defense. You wore a lovely hat. It was your only defense. You wore a lovely hat because it was your only defense.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 5. Lists (X, Y, and Z)  Use the OXFORD COMMA: You can buy life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in Los Angeles. A good student listens to his teachers without yawning, reads once in a while, and writes papers before they are due.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 6. Describers  He was a bashful, dopey, sleepy dwarf.  The frothy, radiant princess kissed the putrid, vile frog.

Commas Seven Steps to Becoming a Comma Superhero: 7. Interrupters  Bob Mills, a sophomore from Raleigh, was the only North Carolina native at the Japanese food festival in Cary.  Aaron thought he could see the future, not the past, in the wrinkles on his skin.  My chemistry book, which weighs about 100 pounds, has some really great examples.

Commas Check ALL of your commas. If you have NO COMMAS, then you are either missing them, or you are severely lacking in sentence variety! Both are troublesome!

Essay Structure I. Introduction A. Hook B. Bridge C. Thesis II. Body Paragraph #1 A. Topic Sentence B. Concrete Detail C. Commentary x2 D. Summary Sentence III. Body Paragraph #2 A. Topic Sentence B. Concrete Detail C. Commentary x2 D. Summary Sentence IV. Concluding Statement