Habit 7 : Sharpen the Saw Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

Habit 7 in Our Paradigms Feeling Thoughts Behavior Sharpen the Saw

Personal PC Preserving and enhancing your greatest asset

Invest in yourself At center of Circle of Influence Make it second nature Quadrant 1 Proactive

Balance Synergy

Self-Control Improve relationships Make smart decisions Overcome addictions Define your values Increase confidence Get more done in less time Be happy Balanced life

Paradigm Shift Feeling Thoughts Behavior Habits Addictions

Eat away our Personalities

No control over what you do, take or use May reach a point at which it is harmful Tangible or intangible When a person is addicted to something they become dependent on it to cope with daily life

Habit = Control of your choices Addiction = You are not in control of your choices

Misapplied or dysfunctional way of meeting your needs and wants. It is any activity that you cannot control and it usually gets worse over time. It is the use of a substance or behavior for the purpose of removing pain or gaining pleasure. Neural research indicates that the brain cannot differentiate between a chemical addiction (alcohol, drugs) and a behavioral addiction (anger, controlling, bullying, pornography).

Flavors of Addictions Socially unacceptable Socially acceptable

“By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them.” [Sahih Muslim]

Micro-Addictions Hidden/Subtle/ Unrecognized

1.Experiential Avoidance 2.Rumination 3.Emotional Masking 4.Short Term Focus 5.Hostility/Aggression 6.Negative Appraisal 7.Response Persistence

1. Experiential Avoidance It refers to the attempt to avoid unpleasant thoughts, images, feelings, sensations, and emotions. Prevents us from being accepting of and present to our natural inner impulses. It prevents us from acting on opportunities to pursue the values that give our lives meaning. Habitual experiential avoidance is a common trait found in people who have difficulty making normal, everyday decisions. It telegraphs and repeatedly reinforces the message that our feelings don’t matter—and that we should be ashamed of them.

2. Rumination When people ruminate, they over-think or obsess about situations or life events, such as work or relationships. It conjures up more negative thoughts. It becomes a cycle. Becomes the fast track to feeling helpless. It paralyzes your problem- solving skills. You become so preoccupied with the problem that you’re unable to push past the cycle of negative thoughts.

3. Emotional Masking Process in which an individual changes or "masks" their natural personality to conform to social pressures, abuse or harassment. Because a person wants to receive acceptance from the public, masking helps disguise characteristics like anger, jealousy or self-confidence. Females tend to have an easier time hiding their negative emotions towards something they dislike than males do. Leads to feeling of dissonance, insincerity, emotional and physical exhaustion, and self- reported health problems.

4. Short Term Focus When you are focused on the present or past and consider them more important than the future. Such people value tradition, the current social hierarchy, and fulfilling your social obligations. You care more about immediate gratification than long-term fulfillment. This develops more addictions.

5. Response Persistence Resolve one issue same way over and over again Respond with ‘Ifs’ and ‘Buts’ Feel frustrated without realizing same pattern in problem solving

6. Hostility and Aggression Refers to violent attitudes or actions that are associated with anger. Desire to dominate a situation or others. Displays itself in verbal, non-verbal and physical ways and holds the intention of causing harm.

7. Negative Appraisal Personal interpretation of a situation; it is how an individual views a situation. The perception of a situation can be the cause of a negative psychological reaction, rather than the situation itself.

Sharpen Saw Now miracles don’t happen; YOU make them happen

Rumination Experiential Avoidance Short Term FocusHostility/Aggression Emotional MaskingNegative Appraisal Response Persistence

“Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow up an evil deed with a good one which will wipe (the former) out, and behave good-naturedly towards people.” [At-Tirmidhi]

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Dr. Kanwal Kaisser Dr. Kanwal HamarayBachchay