Exercise 25

No.1  (Worse) When the engineer attempts to confirm prediction accuracy, you should not neglect possible errors.  (Better 1) When the engineer attempts to confirm prediction accuracy, he or she should not neglect possible errors.  (Better 2) A engineer should not neglect possible errors when attempting to confirm prediction accuracy.

No.2  (Worse) A application makes calls to the executive kernel services, which will then make calls to the hardware.  (Better) A application makes calls to the executive kernel services, which then makes calls to the hardware.

No.3  (Worse) Mice and trackballs are used for the same reason and it performs the \ same task.  (Better) Mice and trackballs are used for the same reason and perform the same task.

No.4  (Worse) Orient the new employees on factory floor procedures and they should be warned about potential workplace hazards.  (Better) Orient the new employees on factory floor procedures and they should be warn them about potential workplace hazards.

No.5  (Worse) Give consideration to the external factors and the surrounding environment must be assessed.  (Better) Give consideration to the external factors and assess the surrounding environment.

[Note 7.12]  Avoid wordiness hiding a verb inside of a noun. In this sentence, wordiness can be omitted by saying Consider instead of Give consideration to. Sentences can often be simplified by identifying verbs hidden inside of nouns.

No.6  (Worse) The web server makes an inquiry regarding the number of users and does the system become overloaded during evening hours.  (Better) The web server makes an inquiry regarding the number of users and system overloading during evening hours.

[Note 7.13]  Avoid wordiness by not overusing verbs such as make, give, come, take, is, are, and were. This sentence can also say asks about inquires about instead of makes an inquiry.

No.7  (Worse) The network programmer establishes a link between two or more people so you can exchange information.  (Better) The network programmer establishes a link between two or more people to exchange information.

No.8  (Worse) The 100Mbps Network Card is rapidly becoming the industrial standard for local area network worldwide and had a per unit cost of around $110.  (Better 1) The 100Mbps Network Card is rapidly becoming the industrial standard for local area network worldwide and has a per unit cost of around $110.

No.8 (cont.)  (Better 2) The 100Mbps Network Card is rapidly becoming the industrial standard for local area network worldwide with a per unit cost of around $110.

No.9  (Worse) Not only can the devices be used to copy CDs in case of damage to the original, but it can also be used for backing up hard drives.  (Better 1) Not only can the devices be used to copy CDs in case of damage to the original, but they can also be used for backing up hard drives.

No.9 (cont.)  (Better 2) In addition to copying CDs in case of damage to the original, the devices can back up hard drives.

No.10  (Worse) Ascertain the location of the missing value and the equation should be derived.  (Better) Ascertain the location of the missing value and, in doing so, derive the equation.

[Note 7.14]  Avoid wordiness by saying Find instead of Ascertain the location of.

[Note 7.15]  Depending on the sentence ’ s context, obtain, derive, attain, locate, and identify can be used as an alternatives to find.

No.11  (Worse) The student applied for a library card and could it be ready next week.  (Better) The student applied for a library card and asked weather it could be ready next week.

No.12  (Worse) The organizing committee held the conference and invited speakers were compensated by it.  (Better) The organizing committee held the conference and compensated invited speakers.