Working With The Adults In Children’s Lives Compassion, Curiosity and Courage

You, me and them ParentPractitioner Other professionals

Bear in Mind Always Guidelines and processes don’t achieve protection for children at risk Competent, skilled, confident workforce Vigilant communities Complex interaction between children, families, services and public – media, politics

Relationships “Attachment is a life long interpersonal strategy to respond to threat or danger, which reflects an intra-personal strategy for processing information” (Patricia Crittenden) The way I do relationships says something very important about how I understand the world

Crittenden Attachment is a theory about danger and how we organise in the face of treat: Faced with danger, we seek safety Faced with distress, we seek comfort Faced with isolation, we seek proximity Faced with chaos, we seek predictability

Children’s Harmful Experiences Roots in adults’ problems or motivations Different risks overlap Complex vulnerability to bad experiences – of various kinds Pervasive impact of undermining, corrosive emotional experiences inherent in all ‘categories’ of harm, including neglect.

Parent history of trauma MAY Compromise judgement about safety and danger – under/over protect – child/self Challenge capacity to form and maintain secure relationships Impair ability to manage emotions Contribute to poor self regard and coping strategies that don’t work in parenting role

Parent history of trauma MAY Cause reaction to trauma reminders in confusing ways - very frightened by loss of control, the child’s needs, the response of the system to concern – fight, flight, freeze Impair decision-making – implication for planning for child’s needs Create vulnerability to other problems – lack of education, poverty, isolation, discrimination

How might a trauma ‘lens’ help? Can’t reverse the experience/compromise child’s developmental timescale Help understand anger, fear, avoidance as a reaction to past experience Encourages effort to explore with parent how past experiences might be connected to parenting and functioning now

How might a trauma ‘lens’ help? Reminds that trauma in childhood was not in the parent’s control – tease this out and build motivation to parent differently now. Inform nature, timing and sequence of help offered – better plan Hold parent accountable for parenting safely – while parents learn if they can anticipate and react differently

How difficult does child protection need to be? We are repelled by the mistreatment of children – struggle to be balanced and objective is to be expected Emotionally charged environment for workers and parents and beyond Balancing needs and rights of children and adults in distress and danger is difficult Costs of being effectively honest and direct - parents, children, colleagues – offering challenge/building rapport.

Being the grown ups Making sense of information is rarely comfortable – problem and solution focussed at the same time Recognise that avoidance of anxiety can lead to doing too little or too much Don’t confuse sympathy (getting into the hole) and empathy (helping get out of the hole) – both demand respect, compassion, understanding and affection but create different ‘rules’ of engagement What can be safely tolerated and achieved with the time and opportunity we have in the real world

Difficult Problems and Imperfect Solutions Problems and risks may be deep rooted, complicated and entrenched Uncertainty, risk, complexity and conflict can’t be eradicated Strong feelings outbid thought and they dim the ability to reflect and analyse (David Howe) Stressful interactions reduce everyone’s capacity to keep the child in focus

Building Resilience Accepting Conserving Commitment Enlisting

Don’t expect parents to understand the importance of attachment sensitive, attuned care of their child (including when their children cannot remain in their care) if we don’t model this in work with the family and with each other.