Introductions One general comment on the issue you are writing about, hook, question. Keep it brief don’t go on and on. Avoid general comments that are not specific:(Winton writes about many themes and uses different povs and symbols. Too vague) Preview of supporting ideas. What is each supporting idea that will be explored in each paragraph? Mention each symbol and story.

Iintrodue p opening statement Summary information that is relevant to your topic preview of main ideas to be covered. One sentence for each supporting idea Thesis goes here. Introduce novel and author

Thesis statement Very weak here. Need to state: Winton uses __________,____________and __________in order to reveal____________. (this must be important and significant. A why statement, and why we care. Don’t just say to explore his theme of the past. What is he saying about the past?

thesis Winton uses the symbol of fire to reveal the theme that the past is never past; like heat, it scorches us and leaves its mark on the present. – Big World – Damaged Good – Strawberry Allison

Thesis Winton uses internal conflict and water symbolism in Aquifer and Family to indicate that the past is inescapable and to illustrate the difficulty of facing one’s deepest secrets.

Thesis Winton uses the symbols of the swamp in “Aquifer” and water in “ Family” to illustrate that an individual can never fully relieve the weight of his past.

Topic Sentences These also need refinement. Don’t be genereal: NOT: Fire is a prevalent symbol in the The Turning and is significant in Big World. (Not strong) Yes: Fire is used to sybolize the death of youthful dreams. (strong)

Topic sentence continued In “Damaged Goods” Vic is interested in a girl named Alison who he goes to school with.” Not a topic sentence. This is summary. A better angle is to focus on literary device that reveals the theme: Winton uses fires to symbolize obsession and loss in the stories Damaged Goods and Cocklelshell.

conventions Underline titles Use quotation marks for short stories Use punctuation for possessives. Some really sloppy work was turned in. Write in present tense. How many times did I say, never say In conclusion? And over and over I saw it.

Don’t use “you” Instead say, the reader, or us.

In fiction we have a narrator not a speaker And never say: it says. Say: The narrator states