The Power of Non-Verbal Communication (Body Language) Tonya Reiman Amor Kok Counselor Exceptional Children’s Services August 7 th, 2009 Communicating Effectively in Difficult Situations

An eye can threaten like a loaded and leveled gun, it can insult like hissing or kicking, or in its altered mood, by beams of kindness, it can make the heart dance with joy. Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nonverbal signals are the most honest and reliable sources of communication”. When we understand other people’s thoughts we know how other people really feel. Language of the Face

It’s a fact that women respond to stress by nurturing and seeking social support. This is called “tend and befriend” cycle. The hormone oxytocin, important for breastfeeding and childbirth, is responsible for this. Men respond to stress with a more confrontational “fight or flight” response. It is important to bear this in mind when communicating with men and women as well as boys and girls. This is why women are much better at reading social cues. By age 8 most American girls are able to read nonverbal actions more accurately than boys. This advantage carries through to adulthood. Neurological Aspects of Body Language

Cultural Aspects of Body Language Cultural expressions are dictated by what are called “display rules”. These are specific expectations every group has about body language behavior. In the United States nodding your head up and down means yes. This is a nonverbal cue for agreement. In Bulgaria shaking your head from side to side means yes and up and down means no.

Five Truths of Body Language 1) Body language is always constant. Our body language always communicates. We are all being “read” every time we set foot in public. 2) Body language is always determined by context. The social rules, the cultural implications, the group’s expectations plays a huge role in what will work for you. 3) Body language can never be judged based on one single signal.

Five Truths of Body Language 4) Body language reveals the discrepancies between what a person says and what a person truly believes. When a person is truthful their body language is in congruence with their spoken word. 5) Body language mastery allows you to tune into “micro expressions”. These are brief flashes or gestures that betray inner feelings.

Seven Universal Emotions 1)Sadness Raised inner eyelids Horizontal lines across the forehead Eyelid droop Mouth pulled downwards Raised lower eyelids 2)Surprise Eyebrows curve and rise up Upper eyelids go up Mouth opens ~ lips apart Whites of eyes seen above and below the iris

Seven Universal Emotions 3)Fear Eyebrows are raised and drawn together Upper eyelids rise up Lips are parted, pulled down and tense 4)Anger Brows are furrowed Brows get lower Gaze becomes intense Lower eyelids tense Nostrils flare Lower lips bulge

Seven Universal Emotions 5)Disgust Forehead usually relaxed Eyebrows are lowered Wrinkle on the upper nose Tense lower lid Pursed lips 6)Contempt Wrinkles on the nose One lip often raised in a sneer Hips sometimes pushed forward Tight mouth with slightly raised corners

Seven Universal Emotions 7)Happiness Relaxed forehead Crow’s feet Lines under eyes Mouth corners turned up Hips slightly parted Top teeth showing

Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts “YES” Gestures Open palms Forward lean Smile Enhanced eye contact Head nodding

“NO” Gestures Folded arms Tapping Hand holding up the chin Feet and trunk pointed in different directions Hands on the knees Hand over the mouth Increased fidgeting Constant eye movement Shaking head Scowl Eye squinting Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts

“MAYBE” Gestures Taking a sip of a drink Biting the frame of eyeglasses Cleaning eyeglasses Scratching head Chin stroking Cheat Sheet to Hidden Thoughts

Keep your Body Language in Check! Other Body Signals  Hand near ear can denote anxiety or an unwillingness to listen further.  Hand on chin shows the listener is attentive to what is being said.  “Backward lean” can communicate laziness or apathy.  A forward lean could make the other person feel important.  Crossed arms can make a person appear defensive.  Exposing your palms makes a person seem more honest.  Palms down is an authoritative gesture.

Keep your Body Language in Check! Other Body Signals  The “stop sign” tells others not to interrupt.  Arms and hands towards your chest says the person is taking responsibility.  Distance between a person’s palms tells you how they feel about the magnitude of the event they are describing.  Make a point by touching your thumb and forefinger. Try not to point.  Double barrel – shooting out two hands up. You can build or destroy rapport.  The “steeple” is a powerful authoritative gesture.

Signs You’ve Overstepped your Bounds What to Watch for  A threatening stare, then a turn to avoid your gaze.  Increased blinking.  Leaning away.  Decreased smiling.  Sudden halt to conversation.  Stiffening or sitting up straight.  Turning feet and torso away from you.

 Crossed arms.  Finger or toe tapping.  Blushing.  Piling things up between you.  Refusal to share anymore personal details.  Verbal hostility. Signs You’ve Overstepped your Bounds What to Watch for

Metamessages Understated message underneath our words I usually enjoy a day at the beach.