Chapter 5: Verbal Messages Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program.

Verbal Messages Verbal refers to oral and written words Verbal messages without words (laughter, vocalized pauses such as “um” or “erm”) are nonverbal Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Verbal Messages (cont.) Metacommunication “Meta” – about Metacommunication, metalanguage, metamessage “Don’t talk to me that way.” “We need to talk about our fight.” Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages Messages are packages of verbal and nonverbal signals Ex. You don’t usually express anger with your words while your face smiles The meaning of a message is in the people, not the message itself; meanings are in people, not words To find the meaning of the word, “love,” look in a dictionary. To know what John means when he says, “I’m in love,” turn to John. Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages Meanings are connotative and denotative Denotative – objective Connotative – subjective, emotional (ex. A wink) Snarl words (“he’s a pig”), purr words (“she’s a real sweetheart”) – highly emotionally charged negative or positive Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in politeness Indirect language is more polite Cultural differences In-group and out-group messages (“doctor jokes” when there’s a non-doctor in the group) Politeness online (don’t gossip, don’t reveal everything online, keep messages short and on-topic) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can criticize and praise Praising Use I-messages Use positive facial affect (express your feelings) Name the behavior you’re praising Consider culture Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can criticize and praise (cont.) Criticizing Own your thoughts and feelings with I-messages Be clear Consider the context or situation Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in assertiveness “I win, you win” philosophy even in confrontation Assertiveness varies culturally Steps to assertive communication Describe the problem (“We’re all working on this, but you’re missing half our meetings”) State how it affects you (“My job depends on the success of this project, I don’t think it’s fair that I have to do extra work on your behalf.”) Propose workable solutions (“If you can get your report in on Tuesday, we can still meet the deadline.”) Confirm understanding (“It’s clear we can’t finish this if you don’t pull your weight. Will you have the report to us by Tuesday?”) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can confirm and disconfirm Disconfirmation –ignores the other person’s presence and communication; leads to lowered self-esteem Rejection – disagree or reject the person’s ideas or behaviors but still recognize the person Confirmation – acknowledges and accepts the other person; leads to increased self-esteem Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in cultural sensitivity Cultural identifiers – language to talk to and about people of different groups Race and nationality (“African American” or “Black”?) Affectional (sexual) orientation (“We have two gays on the team” = offensive) Age (“Older person” preferable to “elderly”) Sex and gender (“Girl vs Lady vs Woman” / “Boy vs Man”) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines for Using Verbal Messages Effectively Extensionalize: avoid intensional orientation Intensional orientation – view labels rather than things or people as they exist Extensional orientation – view people or things as they are rather than how they are talked about their labels Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Distinguish between facts and inferences: avoid fact-inference confusion Factual statements – description based on things you observed (“I saw Sally at a bar last night”) Inferential statements – conclusions based on what you observed (“Sally is probably cheating on Bob”) Fact-inference confusion Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Discriminate among: avoid discrimination Indiscrimination –stereotyping; focus on group instead of each unique member within group Discrimination – recognize that not member in the group is alike Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Talk about the middle: avoid polarization Polarization – fallacy of either/or (“Well, are you for us or against us?” and “College better get me a good job. Otherwise, it has been a waste of my time.” Thinking in extremes makes us forget other possibilities Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Update messages: avoid static evaluation Static evaluation – keep attitudes and beliefs about someone despite inevitable changes Do you treat your little sister as if she were 10 years old, or as the 20-year-old woman she has become? Facebook: “I hate stupid people. They should all die.” Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved