Communication Relationships

Think about it…………….  “Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble”. ~ Frank Tyger  Thoughts: Agree or Disagree  Question: If your ears won’t get you in trouble, what will? Why?

Communication:  The process of creating and sending messages and of receiving and evaluation messages form others  Communication either helps a relationship GROW or DIMINISH.  Verbal communication : spoken words  Non-verbal communication : without words, facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc.

Verbal Communication  One fourth of a person’s day is spent VERBALLY Communicating.  Throughout out the day, a person will send 100 to 300 messages—hoping that the message is decoded similar to the way it was encoded.  On average, a teen’s vocabulary is made up of as 10,000-12,000 words and 20,000-25,000 for a college graduate.

Verbal Communication  Many people FEAR verbal communication.  Glossophobia is fear of public speaking. It is believed to be the single most common phobia, affecting as much as 75% of all people.  When ranked among fears, it generally is the number one fear, surpassing even the fear of death.  What makes speaking in front of people so scary?

Styles of Communication People can verbally communicate using different styles. There are four basic styles typically used in conversations. The styles are Passive Aggressive Passive Aggressive Assertive

Passive Communication  Passive Communication is a style in which individuals communicate:  avoiding expressing opinions or feelings  not responding  allowing grievances and annoyances to build  having an outburst when they reach limit

More Passive  Passive communicators will often:  fail to assert for themselves  allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on rights  fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions  tend to speak softly or apologetically  exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture  The impact of a pattern of passive communication leaves one to feel anxious, depressed, resentful, confused

Passive Thoughts  A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:  “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”  “I don’t know what my rights are.”  “I get stepped on by everyone.”  “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”  “People never consider my feelings.”

Aggressive Communication  AGGRESSIVE is a style in which individuals communicate:  Abruptly expressing their opinions and needs even if it violates others  Presenting that their needs are more important than anyone else’s needs  Using verbal abusive to intimidate or ensure they get their way

More Aggressive  Aggressive communicators will often:  try to dominate others  use humiliation to control others  criticize, blame, or attack others  be very impulsive  have low frustration tolerance  speak loud, demanding, and overbearing  act threateningly and rudely  not listen well  interrupt frequently  use “you” statements

Aggressive Communication  The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals:  become alienated from others  alienate others  generate fear and hatred in others  always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature

Impact of Aggressive  The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:  “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”  “I’m loud, bossy and pushy.”  “I can dominate and intimidate you.”  “I can violate your rights.”  “I’ll get my way no matter what.”  “You’re not worth anything.”  “It’s all your fault.”  “I react instantly.”  “I’m entitled.”  “You owe me.”  “I own you.”

Passive Aggressive  PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals communicate:  Both aggressive and passive communication  Passively that they do not express themselves when not in agreement  Aggressively that they then go behind the other person’s back and say mean things or even do mean things out of anger.  Pretend it is “fine” but later actions show not

More on Passive Aggressive  Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:  mutter to themselves rather than confront  have difficulty acknowledging their anger  use facial expressions that don't match how they feel  use sarcasm  deny there is a problem  appear cooperative  use subtle sabotage to get even

More Passive Aggressive  The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive communication is that these individuals:  become alienated from those around them  remain stuck in a position of powerlessness  discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature  The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:  I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”  I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”  I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”

Assertive Communication  ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals communicate:  Clearly by stating their opinions and feelings  Firmly advocate for their rights and needs  Do not violate the rights of others

Assertive  Assertive communicators will:  state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully  express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully  use “I” statements  communicate respect for others  listen well without interrupting  feel in control of self and stand up for their rights  have good eye contact  speak in a calm and clear tone of voice  have a relaxed body posture  feel connected to others, component and in control

Assertive  The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals:  feel connected to others  feel in control of their lives  are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise  create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

Assertive  The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says:  “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”  I am confident about who I am.”  “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”  “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”  “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”  “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”  “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”  “I respect the rights of others.”  “I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.”

Questions to Answer:  What communication style do you use?  Is there more than one style of communication you use?  What style of communication does your family mainly use?  Situation: Your friend asks you to go to a movie you do not want to see. Choose two styles and respond.

Non Verbal Communication  Why is non verbal so important?  It often times make communication stronger because it does the following:  It reinforces a verbal message  It can replace a verbal message  It can contradict the verbal message  Think about the three statements above. Give examples of HOW it does all of the above

Non Verbal Communication  Non verbal communication takes on many forms.  What are ways people non verbally communicate?  Facial Expression— show if you are interested and understand, show emotions  Eye Contact— invites interaction, signals turn taking in conversations  Paralinguistic—vocal qualities such as pitch, tone, rate, and fluency impact a conversation.

Say the following  Accentuate the BOLDFACE word in each sentence. How does the meaning change?  I didn’t say she stole money  I didn’t say she stole money.

More Non Verbal  Body Gestures and Body Movements— the way you move your body—crossing arms, fidgeting  Touching--- comforts a person during a difficult time or confirms your support  Physical Environment— how does the environment impact your conversation  Appearance— the way you dress or someone else is dressed  Silence— can be used as positive or negative

More Non verbal  Personal Space and Distance —the space we create around ourselves to feel comfortable  Intimate Space— allow closeness, skin contact out to about 18 inches—friends, partners  Personal Distance— 18 inches to 4 feet— friendly conversation or heated argument  Social Distance— 4 fee to 12 feet—social interactions that are impersonal  Public Distance— 12 feet and beyond—talking in front of strangers

Cultural Differences  Non verbal cues mean different things in different cultures.  For example, Americans do not always value silence. It is looked at as negative.  Many Asian Cultures view silence as a sign of wisdom.  global-guide-to-hand-_n_ html

Technology  More than thirty million s are exchanged on a daily basis in North America.  People use technology as a form of communication.  What are benefits of communicating with technology?  What are some negative aspects of using technology as communication?

GenderDifferences  Do men and women communicate differently?  Experts do say that men and women approach communication differently. Examples of differences include:  Men’s language is often factual and action driven  Women’s language is emotional and evaluative  Men often talk in conversations rather than listen  Women often listen and share feelings  Men speak in monotone voices  Women use a variety of tones and voices  What differences do you notice?