1 Relationships and Communication

2 The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’ Soul mates; ‘The One’ Nobody can meet ALL of your needs Every relationship has some problems Healthy expectations from the beginning

3 Compatibility A Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986) IntimacyPassion Commitment

4 Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship You will change due to your relationships Remaining true to oneself Whose needs are met through the relationship? Not always 50/50

5 Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship, cont’d. Keeping a life outside your relationship Knowing the self in relation to others Enhancing one another’s growth

6 Supporting Your Relationship You can’t go it alone! Surround your relationships with support Couple’s Resource Map

7 Expectations How realistic are your expectations for your partner? How realistic are your partner’s expectations for you?

8 Fighting Is fighting healthy? “Growing pains” What can you learn from a fight?

9 Fighting, cont’d. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman, 1999) Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling

10 Fighting Fair Focus on the issue at hand Remain focused on the present Not the time to bring up the past Listening—Knowing when it is your turn NO physical violence Seek counseling when necessary

11 Breaking up is hard to do…. Give yourself time to move on Nurture your other relationships Take time to reflect on the lessons you can learn from the relationship AND the break-up

12 Relationships and Transitions Potential for increased negative interactions Protective defense mechanisms Increased awareness

13 Making Relationships A Priority Relationships are often taken for granted Make a commitment to care for your relationships before it is too late!!

14 Communication Skills

15 Listening Making the effort Non-verbal cues Eye contact Notice underlying feelings

16 Direct Communication Speak clearly and directly Say what you mean Verify understanding Avoid beating around the bush

17 Self-Disclosure Sharing personal experience Necessary for intimacy Trust is important! Appropriate levels of disclosure

18 Non-verbal Communication As speaker Gestures Increase interest As listener Awareness Inconsistencies

19 Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication Passive: Not expressing feelings or standing up for yourself Aggressive: Expressing feelings in an overbearing manner Assertive: Expressing feelings without violating others’ rights

20 Advice Proceed with caution!

21 Focus on the Behavior Avoid labeling Personal attacks lead to defensiveness Negotiate behaviors