Chapter 11 Social Skills

Vocabulary Relationship An emotional or social connection you have with another person or group Relationships change as we get older and can change from moment to moment depending on the situation. Communication is essential to establish and keep a healthy relationship

Active Listening Hearing and thoughtfully responding as a person is speaking Paying attention to the person Maintaining eye contact Nodding to show understanding Asking questions Listening to the person rather then waiting to speak Golden rule… Do unto others as you want done unto you

Body Language A way to communicate through body movements. 97% of communication is said via body language Shows true emotion… may send a silent message to the listener or to those around you

Behavior How you choose to respond or act. Passive: saying and doing little to nothing Aggressive: threatening behavior, may include being physical Assertive: Expressing your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way. Being considerate to others feelings, thoughts, and attempting to work together to solve problems.

Refusal Skills Think… Choose… Act ! Think of the situation and its possible consequences Choose a course of action. One that you can be proud of and you know wont put your self or anyone else at risk physically, emotionally, or socially. Act. Follow through with what you decided and after think about the outcome.

Conflict Resolution Do you really listen or do you just wait for your turn to speak ?

Healthful Friendships

What is a healthful friendship? A balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behavior Improves or maintains the quality of life Friends… Take personal interest in each other Support each other Encourage each other Participate in social activities together

“A friend is a give that you give yourself” “To have a friend you must first be a friend”

Initiating Friendships Make a background check on the person (observations) What do I know about this person? Does this person have/display good character? Do my parents know this person? Will my parents approve of this relationship? There is always a risk in initiating a friendship!

Conversation Activity ! Each student will get a partner and arrange desks around center yellow rectangle facing each other. Begin a conversation with the goal of, ‘I need to learn one thing (not person) that this person likes and dislikes’ Person on the outside will rotate to each person on the inside

Conversation Keepers/Killers Asking questions Showing interest Listening Responding Encouraging others Being positive Eye contact Sharing ideas/feelings Encouraging to talk ‘I’ messages Talking about yourself Appearing disinterested Interrupting Changing the topic Bragging Complaining Avoiding eye contact Talking to others Dominating the conversation ‘You’ messages

Rejection Everyone experiences rejection Rejection: the feeling of being un-welcomed or un-wanted How should you respond? Anger? Bury Feelings? Don’t care?

Handling Rejection Use I-messages to share feelings with the person who reject your gestures of friendship Share your feelings with a trusted adult Reaffirm your high-self worth always! “They don’t know what they’re missing!”

Barriers to Making New Friends Shyness characterized by discomfort, inhibition, and awkwardness in social situations Withdraw from interaction and expression Loneliness characterized by unpleasant, painful, or anxious feelings as a result of having fewer or less satisfying relationships then desired Temporary!

Balanced Friendships Friendships requires the commitment of both people Balanced friendship: 2 people give and receive from each other, acts of kindness Equality

Ways to Give & Receive Listening Helping celebrate success Special Gifts can be purchased or made Listening Accepting gifts or help Express gratitude

One-sided Friendships One-sided friendship: a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other does most of the receiving Why? People pleasers constantly seeks the approval of others Only give to be liked or noticed by others Don’t know how to receive from others

Uncomfortable Some do not know how to receive acts of kindness from others They are uncomfortable accepting gifts of time or support They have never learned to rely on others Thus, they play the role of giver

“Users” People who do more or all of the receiving Take from others to get their needs met Little interest in meeting the needs of their ‘friends’ They believe they should always come first Want to be in control of decisions Don’t know how to become close to others

Ending Friendships Changing friends is part of growing up Why do friendships change? Friends may move away A friend may break confidence Interests change There are times when a person needs to be objective and decide if a “friend” is a friend Encourage wrong actions contrary to one’s own values

Application Not everyone will be a friend You must be a giver before becoming a receiver Don’t be consumed with yourself, take interest in others If you are unhappy in a friendship, confront the other person kindly. Do not feel guilty about ending a friendship

Harmful Relationships

Relationship Relationship: a connection a person has with another person A persons health status is affected by the quality of relationships they have In general, relationships are usually healthful or harmful

Relationships Healthful Promotes self-respect Encourages productivity and health Free of violence and drug use, misuse, or abuse Harmful Harms self respect Interferes with productivity and health Includes violence (verbal, physical, mental, emotional), drug use, misuse, abuse

Harmful Ways of Relating The people pleaser The enabler The clinger The fixer The distancer The controller The center The abuser The liar The promise breaker

The People Pleaser Constantly seeks the approval of others Do almost anything to be liked Use alcohol or other drugs Described as “doormats” because others can walk all over them with no consequences Sabotage their chances for healthful relationships because others don’t respect them

The Enabler Support others’ harmful behavior Deny or overlook another person’s harmful behavior, such as: Drinking, gambling, or cheating Make excuses or cover up others behavior Might contribute to others behavior Make bets for another with gambling problem Drink with another who has a drinking problem Sabotage: don’t require others to behave responsibly

The Clinger Needy and dependent Feels empty inside and constantly turns to another person to feel better No amount of attention or affection keeps the clinger feeling fulfilled Eventually “suffocates” the other person Sabotage: not giving other people space

The Fixer Tries to fix other people’s problems Take on problems that are not their responsibility Quick to give advice Will identify different possible solutions and try them for the person Fixers avoid their own feelings and problems Sabotage: do not want others to solve their problems

The Distancer Emotionally unavailable to others Keeps other people form getting too close in a number of ways Being too busy to spend time Avoid sharing feelings Keep others at a distance to avoid getting hurt Sabotage: not risking emotional involvement

The Controller Possessive, jealous, and domineering Seeks power Might tell another person what to do, what to wear, and what to believe Might monopolize a girlfriend/boyfriend’s time Sabotage: not respecting the interests or opinions of others; dominating

The Center Self-centered Wearing “badge” that says “ME, ME, ME” They do most of the talking and have little interest in what you say Do what they want to do, when they want to do it Aren't too concerned with others Sabotage: focusing on themselves; ignore other’s needs

The Abuser Person who is abusive Constantly put others down or harm others Threaten, begin fights, act in other violent ways Force (convince) another person to have sex Tend to alternate periods of abusiveness with periods of gentleness Sabotage: threatening and harming others

The Liar Does not tell the truth Honesty is a foundation in any healthful relationship! Lie about themselves to look good Pretend to be something they are not Avoids truth to manipulate others into the responses the liar wants Sabotage: lying to get what they want

The Promise Breaker Not reliable Make plans with another person and then be a “no show,” opting to do something better that has come along Might promise to change their ways People doubt their sincerity and commitment Sabotage: not keeping their word

Interactions Interactions or dynamics in harmful relationships often explain why people end up in such relationships. People who relate in harmful ways are drawn to each other. Some examples match-ups…

The Promise Breaker & the People Pleaser PB makes plans to go to a movie with a PP PB cancels the plans when something else comes along PP is angry, but keeps anger inside and accommodates PB with new date • PB—must learn to keep commitments • PP—must set limits and share feelings

Controller & Enabler C objects when girl/boyfriend spends time with friends C is suspicious and accuses E makes excuses for him/her, “He/She loves me so much…” E gives up all her friends for him C—respect gf/bf’s rights to have friends E—take responsibility for him/herself

Clinger & Distancer C attracted to D because they fear being abandoned D is emotionally unavailable C & D afraid to get close D runs from relationships; spends time, then backs off C chases harder C- address emptiness; develop self-confidence D- share feelings and become close to others

What To Do ! Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis. Recognize when you must end a relationship, rather then work it out. Identify changes in behavior that must occur for you to stay in that relationship. Talk to a parent, guardian, or trusted adult. Have a frank discussion with the other person, sharing concerns and expectations. Set a future date to evaluate again.

Application Life is full of relationships. You can prevent, change, and free yourself from harmful relationships. You do not have to stay in a harmful relationship. Evaluate. Discuss changes. Set and keep a date to reevaluate! Watch for others who may be in trouble.

Chapter 11 Lesson 3 Family Health

Empathy Sharing and understanding another persons feelings Listening & reading body language Identification of feelings Becoming aware of another’s daily struggle ‘You do not know the trouble’s that people do not speak of !’

Tolerance Ability to overlook differences and accept people for who they are. Helps develop respect and understanding Everyone is different Supports responsible behavior

Nurturing Providing the care and other basic things that people need to grow

Why walk when you can Roll!!! Home: Hillsborough, New Jersey Birthdate: December 1, 1983 After years of being a top medal contender in the women’s T53 class, Jessica Galli made the leap to being a world record breaker last season.   Galli was injured in a car accident in September 1991, but shortly after became involved in disabled sports. In 1998, she attended her first international event, the IPC World Championships in Birmingham, England, and has been competing internationally ever since.

In June 2007, Galli set a new mark in the 400m at a European Wheelchair Championships meet in Switzerland, taking nearly a half-second off the old mark, set by Great Britain’s Tanni Grey-Thompson. Three weeks later, she chopped another four-tenths of a second off her time – and broke two other world records, the 200m and 800m – at the Meet in the Heat in Atlanta. A 2000 Paralympic Games silver medalist in the 800m, Galli says finishing fourth twice in 2004 in Athens has motivated her to excel as she trains for this year’s Games in Beijing. Galli graduated from the University of Illinois in 2006 with a degree in kinesiology. She is currently a graduate student at Illinois, working toward a degree in health policy and administration.

Major Achievements: •    2008:  Nominated for an ESPY in the Best Female Athlete with Physical Disability category •    2007:  Named U.S. Olympic Committee Paralympian of the Year •    2007:  Three world records, 200m, 400m, 800m – Meet in the Heat, Atlanta, Ga. •    2007:  Two gold medals, 200m, 400m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom •    2006:  Gold medal, 100m; Silver medal, 200m; Bronze medal, 800m – IPC Athletics World Championships, Assen, The Netherlands •    2006:  Two gold medals, 100m, 800m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom •    2005:  Silver medal, 100m; Bronze medal, 400m – Visa Paralympic World Cup, Manchester, United Kingdom

Types of Families Nuclear Families – 2 parents at least 1 child Single Parent – 1 parent at least 1 child Adoptive – 1+ children born from other parents Extended – Grandparents, aunts, uncles… Blended – 2 families combine Couples – can be families w/o children

Don’t over do it Even though you may want to help it may not be needed Many people who may be physically disabled, may look like they are struggling with every day tasks… They my not want or need your help. Ask clarification questions and respect others emotions before you act.