Authentic Relationships discover the lost art of “One Anothering” By Wayne Jacobsen and Clay Jacobsen Chapter 1 Adapted from:

People are longing to rediscover true community. We have had enough of loneliness, independence, and competition. Jean Vanier (founder of L’Arche, an international ecumenical organization that creates communities with people that have learning disabilities) People are longing to rediscover true community. We have had enough of loneliness, independence, and competition. Jean Vanier (founder of L’Arche, an international ecumenical organization that creates communities with people that have learning disabilities) Chapter 1 - Escaping the Loneliness Trap

We work alongside people we don’t enjoy Isolation in the Communication Age We live next door to others we don’t know We gather in worship services feeling like another face in the crowd We have no one to share our hurts All of this in the explosive electronic communication age We live next door to others we don’t know We gather in worship services feeling like another face in the crowd We have no one to share our hurts All of this in the explosive electronic communication age

We learned in grade school how fickle relationships can be Isolation in the Communication Age (cont) As adults we experience the pain of gossip and betrayal Church congregations are often worse on relationships than the world - filled with cliques We help others but no one helps us We end up holding everyone at arm’s length to keep from being hurt We start to look out for number one As adults we experience the pain of gossip and betrayal Church congregations are often worse on relationships than the world - filled with cliques We help others but no one helps us We end up holding everyone at arm’s length to keep from being hurt We start to look out for number one

 Healthy relationships are not created by sitting together in the same building or participating in the same activities Healthy Relationships  Healthy relationships are created by capturing Jesus’ heart for life- changing relationships  Jesus demonstrated that the simplest acts of love and friendship could reach the most hardened souls and transform them  Healthy relationships are created by capturing Jesus’ heart for life- changing relationships  Jesus demonstrated that the simplest acts of love and friendship could reach the most hardened souls and transform them

The Levels of Relationships Level One: Acquaintance This is when you know another person because of proximity.This is when you know another person because of proximity. The conversation typically stays on safe topics (e.g. weather, work, economy, home repairs, lawn care, children’s performance, etc.) that have low emotional disclosure.The conversation typically stays on safe topics (e.g. weather, work, economy, home repairs, lawn care, children’s performance, etc.) that have low emotional disclosure. Level One: Acquaintance This is when you know another person because of proximity.This is when you know another person because of proximity. The conversation typically stays on safe topics (e.g. weather, work, economy, home repairs, lawn care, children’s performance, etc.) that have low emotional disclosure.The conversation typically stays on safe topics (e.g. weather, work, economy, home repairs, lawn care, children’s performance, etc.) that have low emotional disclosure.

The Levels of Relationships (cont.) Level Two: Companionship Like the Three Musketeers who were a fraternity of men who trusted each other to do the task set before themLike the Three Musketeers who were a fraternity of men who trusted each other to do the task set before them While they never had a discussion about their vulnerabilities or emotional struggles, they did have a great time going into battle togetherWhile they never had a discussion about their vulnerabilities or emotional struggles, they did have a great time going into battle together Level Two: Companionship Like the Three Musketeers who were a fraternity of men who trusted each other to do the task set before themLike the Three Musketeers who were a fraternity of men who trusted each other to do the task set before them While they never had a discussion about their vulnerabilities or emotional struggles, they did have a great time going into battle togetherWhile they never had a discussion about their vulnerabilities or emotional struggles, they did have a great time going into battle together

The Levels of Relationships (cont.) Level Three: Established Friendship (Brothers and Sisters in Christ) Established Friendships are relationships where the real you is known by another personEstablished Friendships are relationships where the real you is known by another person Not only does this person feel free to tell you everything, you also can tell everything to themNot only does this person feel free to tell you everything, you also can tell everything to them Level Three: Established Friendship (Brothers and Sisters in Christ) Established Friendships are relationships where the real you is known by another personEstablished Friendships are relationships where the real you is known by another person Not only does this person feel free to tell you everything, you also can tell everything to themNot only does this person feel free to tell you everything, you also can tell everything to them

 Jesus chose to have lunch in the home of someone considered despicable by the crowd - a tax collector! The Lunch that Rocked Zacchaeus’s World  Zacchaeus was a man who spent his life looking out for himself  Jesus is the God/Man who spent His life on Earth looking out for His Father’s glory - doing His Father’s Work  Jesus’ selfless motives melted the heart of Zacchaeus  Zacchaeus was a man who spent his life looking out for himself  Jesus is the God/Man who spent His life on Earth looking out for His Father’s glory - doing His Father’s Work  Jesus’ selfless motives melted the heart of Zacchaeus

 Despite our painful experiences we all continue to thirst for relationships Jesus-Centered Friendships  This is because we have been created for relationships: NAU Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”  Men and women have many acquaintances yet few real friends  We do not know how to make them, or enjoy them  We can only escape this trap by living the Jesus way - selflessly  Not trying to get love but rather give it!  This is because we have been created for relationships: NAU Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”  Men and women have many acquaintances yet few real friends  We do not know how to make them, or enjoy them  We can only escape this trap by living the Jesus way - selflessly  Not trying to get love but rather give it!

 Jesus did not spend His Earthly ministry talking about how to have church One Anothering  Jesus spent His Earthly ministry living “Church”  He spent His time building intimate relationships with those He met  He turned the world upside down through God-centered friendships with believers and those still trapped in the world  Jesus spent His Earthly ministry living “Church”  He spent His time building intimate relationships with those He met  He turned the world upside down through God-centered friendships with believers and those still trapped in the world

 His disciples did the same thing in the early church One Anothering (cont)  They did not see themselves as an institution  They saw themselves as a Family  Church was not something they attended  Church was a way of living in relationships with the Father and His other children  The world marveled and was transformed by their selfless love  They did not see themselves as an institution  They saw themselves as a Family  Church was not something they attended  Church was a way of living in relationships with the Father and His other children  The world marveled and was transformed by their selfless love

Loving one another (John 13:34) Forgiving one another (Ephesians 4:32) Accepting one another (Romans 15:7) Bearing with one another (Ephesians 4:2) Being devoted to one another (Romans 12:10) Honoring one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10) Greeting one another (2 Corinthians 13:12) Being hospitable to one another (1Peter 4:9) Being kind and compassionate to one another (Eph. 4:32) Sharing with one another (Hebrews 13:16) One Anothering

Carrying one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) Building up one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11) Encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 3:13) Comforting one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18) Stimulating one another to love and good deeds (Heb10:24) Instructing one another (Romans 15:14) Admonishing one another (Colossians 3:16) Praying for one another (James 5:16) Confessing your sins to one another (James 5:16) Being of the same mind toward one another (Romans 12:16) Submitting to one another (Ephesians 5:21) Serving one another (Galatians 5:13)

Other focused people: A Life Focused on Others  Take an interest in you just because they care  Are not tied to their own needs and desires in the relationship  Their care demands nothing in return and rejoices to see you blessed  They open their life like a book and let you read it freely  They do not hide their thoughts and feelings  They make you feel safe enough so you don’t have to pretend with them  Take an interest in you just because they care  Are not tied to their own needs and desires in the relationship  Their care demands nothing in return and rejoices to see you blessed  They open their life like a book and let you read it freely  They do not hide their thoughts and feelings  They make you feel safe enough so you don’t have to pretend with them

Other focused people: (cont.) A Life Focused on Others (cont)  Offer free counsel but never demand that you follow it  They give you the freedom to disagree and the flexibility to do things differently without compromising their love for you  They give you the shirt off their back without a thought when you are in need  However, they do not always give you what you want  They look past your faults and celebrate your promise and help you get there  Offer free counsel but never demand that you follow it  They give you the freedom to disagree and the flexibility to do things differently without compromising their love for you  They give you the shirt off their back without a thought when you are in need  However, they do not always give you what you want  They look past your faults and celebrate your promise and help you get there

Other focused people: (cont.) A Life Focused on Others (cont)  When they say they will pray for you - they do  They are by your side in the darkest moments  Their presence more than their words comfort  Such friends find their origin in God’s heart  No one can love so freely whom God has not first loved deeply  Discover the power of His love and you will never be lonely again  When they say they will pray for you - they do  They are by your side in the darkest moments  Their presence more than their words comfort  Such friends find their origin in God’s heart  No one can love so freely whom God has not first loved deeply  Discover the power of His love and you will never be lonely again

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered Anyway Love them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives Anyway (cont) Be kind anyway

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies Anyway (cont) Succeed anyway

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow Anyway (cont) Be good anyway

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable Anyway (cont) Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight Anyway (cont) Build anyway

People need help but may attack you if you try to help them Anyway (cont) Help them anyway

In the final analysis, it is between you and God Anyway (cont) It was never between you and them anyway

Homework Read Part 1, Chapter 2 –Loving Others like God Loves You Pray the Word Daily Read Part 1, Chapter 2 –Loving Others like God Loves You Pray the Word Daily

Pray the Word (Ephesians 1:17-2:1) May the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, give to us the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of our understanding being enlightened; that we may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. And us He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins,

Discussion Questions Turn to page 22

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