Writing Revision Sensory, thought/emotion, action, and dialogue shots

Sensory Shot Adds concrete, physical details that take the reader to the place that the author is describing. The reader must experience what can be seen, heard, smelled, felt, or tasted. Takes place outside the characters in the physical world. Makes the reader feel like he is present in the scene.

The Autumn leaves were golden, red, and brown. One minute she would have a high, squeaky voice and the next minute she sounded like a tuba. I can recall the baby lotion smell of Mrs. Thompson. I would run down the stairs, almost falling face first due to the slippery plastic on the bottom of my footed pajamas. The sweet nutty almond taste stayed on my tongue.

Thought/emotion shot Adds a character’s inner mental feelings, evaluations, or opinions. The reader can understand or empathize with the character’s feelings. Takes place inside of the character’s mind. Where the author tells inner thoughts about feelings such as guilt, fear, worry, hope, desire, or exaggeration. Clarifies why the character behaves like he does.

She would do the most deplorable act known to a thirteen-year-old. I decided to be the best smelling girl in the fifth grade. My thoughts were that if a little perfume smelled good, then a lot would be even better. I went off to school very pleased with myself. It was obvious that she owned stock in a hair spray company. I knew that I belonged in the story. He waited impatiently.

Action Shot Adds drama to a scene in which the reader watches a specific event take place. Moves the characters through a sequence of events. Author takes the time to have the characters act out an important event, conflict, or problem. Verbs

I would run down the stairs, almost falling face first due to the slippery plastic on the bottom of my footed pajamas. I would rip open the tightly wrapped books. Books would go flying through the air in every direction. Jenny chewed nervously on her fingernails. We were going down the interstate at fifty- five miles an hour.

Dialogue Shot Adds conversation to a scene in which characters reveal conflict, further the plot, or demonstrate their personality. Quotes two or more characters’ exact words. Where the author shows the characters speaking in their own language.

I nodded. “I’m on my way. I’m meeting Mom at the corner.” “Go on, then,” Dad said, carrying the hose back to the shed. “But don’t you cross that street.” “Dad,” I moaned, collapsing in the middle like an old balloon. “There aren’t even any cars to watch for.” “Don’t kid yourself,” he called back over his shoulder. “There’s danger everywhere.”

Shot Search As we read “Lunch Tales,” highlight, underline, or in some way mark differently examples of sensory, thought/emotion, action, and dialogue shots (diff mark for each or diff color…) A T/E S EX: He waited impatiently in the gloomy night, A D then said, “Harrumph!” In small group, read and mark “Essay 34: Princeton…”

Your Writing Read over the paragraph your shared. Using the same marks and/or colors you used to identify shots in “Lunchbox Tales” and “Essay 34: Princeton…”, identify places you used sensory, thought/emotion, action, and/or dialogue shots in your writing. Use your sticky notes to identify where you could add sensory, thought/emotion, action, and/or dialogue shots in your writing. Write out and mark or color-code shot additions on a separate paper (post-it notes?) Apply this to your actual college essay!