EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

PEARSON’S STUDY OF LONG TERM MARRIAGES n INTERVIEWED 351 COUPLES MARRIED 15 YEARS OR MORE n FINDINGS: –Mostly They Liked Their Partner As A Person…A Friend –They Liked These Qualities In Their Partner: »Caring, Giving, Integrity, Sense of Humor –They Agreed On Their Aims & Goals in Life

–They Were Aware of Their Partner’s Weak Points, But These Were Overwhelmed By The Strong Ones –They Had The Belief That Marriage Was A Long Term Commitment & A Revered Institution –Fewer Than 10% Felt That Good Sex Was Key To Keeping Their Marriage Together, But 70% Said They Were Satisfied With Their Sex Life

HAVING A SATISFYING, LONG TERM, ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: WHAT IT TAKES... n STUBBORNESS & FLEXIBILITY - A basic, gut-level refusal to give up coupled with the willingness to adapt to inevitable changes

n ATTENTION TO THE RELATIONSHIP & FORGETFULNESS - Make sure your partner knows your relationship is a high priority for you. Show you are willing to make personal sacrifices for the relationship. Recognize that not remembering some things can be useful coupled with an ongoing desire to attend to relationship needs.

n TALK TO EACH OTHER- Resist “turning away” from important issues n SHOW YOU VALUE EQUALITY IN RELATIONSHIPS - Seek “win-win” resolutions to problems that can be solved; let your partner influence you

n COMMUNICATE YOUR CARING, LOVE, AND/OR AFFECTION OFTEN BY WORD AND DEED

n FORGIVENESS - Pardon your partner for injuries to you he or she regrets or has apologized for. Don’t hold grudges. n SHOW YOU VALUE YOUR PARTNER’S INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES AS WELL AS YOUR MUTUAL SIMILARITIES

n COMMUNICATE YOUR RESPECT FOR AND THE VALUE OF YOUR PARTNER –Treat your partner as a person with needs as important as your own. Recognize that a partner who feels good about him/herself is a better partner. –It is ok to get angry or disagree, but harmful to communicate contempt, sarcasm, & “low blows”

n REGULARLY SEEK CLARIFICATION OF INDIVIDUAL AND RELATIONSHIP GOALS - Talk about the future; continue learning about your partner’s needs, activities, friends, and beliefs n TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE “YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW” PRINCIPLE OF COMMUNICATION