Mike McGuire MV Community College COM 101 Scissors, Tape, and Flashlights Exercises in editing

A few things to consider today  Assessing and revising our leads  Cutting, pasting, and reorganizing: showing a healthy disrespect for the draft  Getting rid of the clutter Let’s start with leads. What are they?

Leads are like flashlights that shine down into a story… They illuminate an aspect of the subject and establish a direction for the entire piece.

The Activity: Part 1 of 2 1.Write the title of one of your essays on a piece of paper. Also write the first sentence of your paper. 2.Find a partner to work with. 3.Look at your partner’s title and first sentence. Does it make you want to read on? Be honest with your partner.

The Activity: Part 2 of 2 1.Write the rest of your lead on the paper. (Your lead is the first one or two paragraphs.) 2.Look closely at your partner’s lead. 3.Jot down on paper and then discuss the following with your partner:  On the basis of the lead, predict what the paper will be about, what its focus will be.  If you can, make a list of questions raised by the beginning that you hope the paper will answer.  Describe the tone of the paper in a few words. 4.Together think of some different ways to begin each other’s paper?

The Activity: Part 1 of 3 1.Take a large piece of paper and tape it to the wall. 2.Write the title of one of your essays on the piece of paper. Also write the first sentence of your paper. 3.Go around and look at other’s titles and first sentences. Which ones make you want to read on and which one’s don’t?

The Activity: Part 2 of 3 1.Write the rest of your lead on the paper. (Your lead is the first one or two paragraphs.) 2.Walk around the room when you are finished, looking at the gallery of leads created by your classmates. 3.Notice which ones are interesting? What are some different ways to begin this paper?

The Activity: Part 3 of 3 1.Find a partner to work with. 2.Look at what’s on your partner’s paper. 3.On a separate sheet of paper, do the following with regard to your partner’s lead and what it suggests about the rest of the paper:  On the basis of the lead, predict what the paper will be about, what its focus will be.  If you can, make a list of questions raised by the beginning that you hope the paper will answer.  Describe the tone of the paper in a few words.

Remember the Flashlights…  You can open scholarly essays in a way that not only engages the reader, but accurately frames what the purpose of the paper is going to be.  By considering whether your lead does or does not help readers predict where the paper is going, you can see if you’re on the right track.

Cutting, Pasting and Reorganizing

Activity: Cut-n-Paste Revision (1 of 2) 1.Take the printed copy of your draft and a scissors. Cut up your draft, paragraph by paragraph. 2.Shuffle the pieces. 3.Go through the pile and find the “core” paragraph. (It’s probably the one with your thesis statement.) 4.Set the core paragraph aside.

Activity: Cut-n-Paste Revision (2 of 2) 1.Make two new piles of the remaining paragraphs: those that are relevant to the core and those that don’t seem to be. 2.Play with the order of the relevant pieces. Notice any gaps. 3.Tape together any new order that seems promising.

Getting Rid of Clutter

What is Word Clutter?  Think of “clutter words” as “flutter words.” They may look pretty as they flutter around the substance of a sentence, but they are distracting.  Clutter is “the laborious phrase which has pushed out the short word that means the same thing.”  Fighting clutter is like fighting weeds—the writer is always slightly behind. — from the work of William Zinsser

Why is our writing so cluttered?  Most people use word clutter carelessly, without intention, while other people use clutter in the hopes that they will sound more important or because they think it is expected in their profession. But in almost all cases, the use of such phrases should be avoided.

A Few Examples of Word Clutter… ClutterInstead Use A great number of timesoften, frequently a greater number ofmore a little less thanalmost a small number offew a large number ofmany

A Few Examples of Word Clutter… a period of several weeksseveral weeks a sufficient number ofenough absolute guaranteeguarantee absolutely essentialessential adding togetheradding advance planningplanning advance reservationsreservations any and allany as a general ruleas a rule

A Few Examples of Word Clutter… at regular intervals of timeregularly at some future datesometime, later at 12 noonat noon at 12 midnightat midnight at the conclusion ofafter at a meeting held hereat a meeting here balance against one anotherbalance basic fundamentalsfundamentals called attention to the factreminded came to a stopstopped

Reduce Your Clutter 1.Pick one page at random from your draft. 2.Cut at least 7 words from the page.