Whitener 11 th Grade Writing/Composition Standard ELACC11W1

INTRODUCTIONS: ISSUE #1 – TOO SIMPLE Example 1: Too Simple “Dear committee, How would you feel if you were required to read over summer? Summer reading should be voluntary because students have a lot to do in the summer. Students have to work, they want to have fun, and many go on vacation to see family.” Example 2: Better to be complex and explain yourself. “Dear committee, Many schools in the area are considering requiring mandatory reading over the summer break. First of all, how would you feel if this was your vacation that was being taken away? How unfair does that sound? It is difficult enough for students to study and read for 10 months out of the year at school as it is, let’s not forget the stress that comes that kind of work-load. Therefore, schools should not require reading over the summer due to the potential health effects of the stress on students, the cost to the county for buying all those books, and because, let’s face it, students need time to relax, unwind and spend quality time with family.”

INTRODUCTIONS: ISSUE #2 – WHERE IS THE HOOK? Example 1: Hook? “Dear committee, Summer reading should be voluntary. Students have a lot to do in the summer. Students have to work, they want to have fun, and many go on vacation to see family.” Example 2: Better to lead the reader into your thesis. “Dear committee, Many schools in the area are considering requiring mandatory reading over the summer break. First of all, how would you feel if this was your vacation that was being taken away? How unfair does that sound? It is difficult enough for students to study and read for 10 months out of the year at school as it is, let’s not forget the stress that comes that kind of work-load. THESIS….” This is a thesis, not a hook! This hook “leads” the reader to the thesis Thesis is LAST!

BODY PARAGRAPHS: ISSUE #1 – TRANSITIONS Example 1: No transitions? “Students need a break from stress. They want to have fun and socialize with friends. It is terribly unhealthy for them to constantly read all the time. Their vision could become blurry and their eyesight poor. This would be terrible! Please reconsider summer reading.” Example 2: Clearly show us your beginning and ending. “For instance, students benefit from the break from stress that summer provides. It is proven that stress can cause numerous health issues, from insomnia to hypertension. Would you want to be the cause of students being at risk? No, of course you would never consider willfully harming your children. Yet, if required reading is enacted, it will very likely lead to these outcomes. Some may say that reading will increase vocabulary skills, but if that is weighed against the potential health issues that comes with prolonged stress, I ask you: is it worth it?”

BODY PARAGRAPHS: ISSUE #2 – EVIDENCE Blah…. I am not convinced.  POINT TAKEN! 

BODY PARAGRAPHS: ISSUE #3 – REASONS Reason is good, but not explained.  Well thought out. 

CONCLUSIONS: ISSUE #1 – THOUGHTLESSNESS

CONCLUSIONS: ISSUE #2 – A WEAK ENDING

QUALITY: ISSUE #1 – REPETITIVE, REPETITIVE, REPETITIVE, REPETITIVE Example 2: Ah, prose. “For instance, students benefit from the break from stress that summer provides. It is proven that stress can cause numerous health issues, from insomnia to hypertension. Would you want to be the cause of students being at risk? No, of course you would never consider willfully harming your children. Yet, if required reading is enacted, it will very likely lead to these outcomes…..” You get the point.

QUALITY: ISSUE #2 – TANGENTS. Example: Umm…okay. “Summer reading is a terrible thing. Its like when you go to the movies and the movie is too long and you have to sit there. I think summer reading has some good things, but the movies are better. Movies would be a great way to learn. There is a new movie that would teach lots of lessons in it. It has Jennifer Aniston and she plays the best characters, so we could learn a lot from her. “So, instead of reading movies are so much better. It would be really great to watch movies most of the summer, it would be relaxing and really a lot of fun……..”

FINAL DRAFTS: MUST BE IN BLUE/BLACK INK!!!!