Fix This Essay! Identifying Problems and Solutions

Sample # 1: Thematic Essay Introduction Paragraph There are a variety of belief systems practiced throughout the world today. Many of these beliefs have developed massive followings, and as a result, have a considerable amount of influence on culture in the areas where they are practiced.

Problem You must go beyond a restatement of historical context given. Consider the following: –Introducing the topic –Creating a strong thesis statement –Give the reader a “road map” to follow

Sample # 2: Thematic Essay Body Paragraph One important nationalist leader was Otto von Bismarck. He was a very important leader. His actions were very influential.

Problem Development of task –Not all points are addressed –Detail is needed

Sample # 3: DBQ Body Paragraph Document # 1 says women should be modest and respectful. Document # 2 talks about education for Mexican boys and girls. Both documents talk about limitations for girls.

Problem Organization –Topic sentence –Transitions between ideas –“weaving” documents Development –How do these documents meet the task? Analysis –How can the essay do more than just restate documents?