Conflict in Small Groups

What is conflict? A hazard? An obstacle? An opportunity Definition: A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.

The Slippery Slope

Trends on the Slope From private to public responses From voluntary to forced solutions Every response costs something Both extremes end in death “Fight or Flight” behavior

Contrasts in Responses Escape responses –Focus on ME –Peace-faking Attack responses –Focus on YOU –Peace-breaking In both you can KYRG

Conciliation responses Focus on US Peace-making Result: reconciliation What responses do we see in the Bible?

Conflict provides opportunities Glorify God –by trusting, –obeying, –and imitating him Serve other people –by helping to bear their burdens or –by confronting them in love Grow to be like Christ –by confessing sin and –turning from attitudes that promote conflict

The Four G’s of Peacemaking Glorify God Get the log out of your own eye Gently restore Go and be reconciled

GLORIFY GOD By trusting Him By obeying Him By imitating Him see Prov. 3:4-6; John 14:15; Eph. 5:1

GET LOG OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE Matthew 7:5, Jesus says, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Critical, negative, oversensitive attitude Actual sinful words and actions

Matthew 7:1-5 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

James 4:1-3 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

The Seven A’s of Confession 1.Address everyone involved 2.Avoid if, but, and maybe 3.Admit specifically 4.Acknowledge the hurt 5.Accept the consequences 6.Alter your behavior 7.Ask for forgiveness