Under Siege – Sex Today Strategy and Tactics for Change 2010

The Series 1.Sexual (Un)common Sense 2.Strategy and Tactics for Change

Outline 1.Strategy 2. Tactics

The main strategy: ruthlessness If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matthew 5:29-30) This is the easy way out. –The biggest problem is unsatisfied desire. The less arousal or stimulation we have, the less unsatisfied desire we have.

The main strategy: avoidance Flee it, do not fight it, because the response is semi-automatic. Sexual stimulation fogs the mind and mesmerizes the will.

Subordinate strategy: Sanity Temptation is not a sin. Failure to handle it well is. Men’s thought life can be very chaotic. –It is not a sin to find a sexually attractive person pleasing. –It is not a sin to have sexual fantasies. Most often, we cannot eliminate them completely. –It is a sin to deliberately seek/indulge them. –It can be hard to tell whether we have given in, so past a certain point, it is not worth evaluating. Expect to live with temptation.

The subordinate strategy: humility Admit our defeat — in spiritual warfare. We have a habit — we have been taken captive by the enemy. –It is not usually helpful to approach it as a single sin. Admit it — and then work on breaking it. We can get free.

The subordinate strategy: spiritual balance Masturbation, pornography does not cut us off from our relationship with God — unless we are rebellious. There are different degrees of seriousness. The time we need God most is when we have lost control — also the time he wants to be most with us. Psalm 130

1 Out of the depths I cry to thee, O LORD! 2 Lord, hear my voice! Let thy ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications! 3 If thou, O LORD, shouldst mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. 5I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; 6my soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. 7O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plenteous redemption. 8And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

A Complication: “Romantic Relationships” Getting into a romantic relationship is problematic. –Usually by “hanging out” This usually leads to sexual activity. It always makes life more sexually oriented. There are other reasons not to do it, but it should be avoided for sexual reasons. There is wisdom for courtship.

Outline 1. Strategy 2. Tactics

Tactics Be convinced it is wrong. Decide you want to change. –Often easier said than done – work on it. –Part of us does not want to change. –“Lord, make me willing.” –“Lord, help!” Do your best to be ruthless.

Tactics Imagine the discussion at the pearly gates (or some other scene).

Work at avoidance Flee it, don’t fight it – run for your life. The fight is much worse if you let it get started – anticipate. Ask how you get (got) into it.

Tactics Follow objective rules of wisdom –Do not analyze whether you can handle it, play safe.

Tactics Corral your eyes. Stay away. Easier said than done. Better: work to rein them in. –If you reduce the occasions, you make life easier.

Tactics Corral your thoughts. “Take every thought captive” –E.g., branding the mustang Better: work to rein them in. –If you reduce them, you make life easier.

Tactics Use a filter; put the computer in a public place. If you have your own laptop, use “Covenant Eyes”.

Tactics Get a brother to help you; live in the light. –Include your pastoral leader. –You can go outside, but help from brothers who know you is better.

Tactics Repent about the past; do not get into guilt about it. Don’t get into guilt about the present; get determined. Don’t let the evil spirit of guilt have control of this.

Tactics Sexual self-control is not just about sex. “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Is your life oriented in a good way? –Exercise

Tactics Lack of discipline leads to lack of control

Tactics One compromise leads to another.

The reward For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Heb 12:11) The blessing of “the community approach”