Chapter 5: Verbal Messages Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program.

Verbal Messages Verbal refers to oral and written words Verbal messages without words (laughter, vocalized pauses such as “um” or “erm”) are nonverbal Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Verbal Messages (cont.) Metacommunication “Meta” – about Metacommunication, metalanguage, metamessage “Don’t talk to me that way.” “We need to talk about our fight.” Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages Messages are packages of verbal and nonverbal signals The meaning of a message is in the people, not the message itself; meanings are in people, not words Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages Meanings are connotative and denotative Denotative – objective Connotative – subjective, emotional Snarl words, purr words – highly emotionally charged negative or positive Messages vary in abstractness Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in politeness Maintain positive face – seen positively or respected Maintain negative face – stay autonomous Indirect language is more polite Cultural differences In-group and out-group messages Politeness online Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Meanings can deceive Types of lies: Pro-social deception to achieve good Self-enhancing deception to make yourself look good Selfish deception to protect yourself Anti-social deception to harm others Ways people lie Behaviors of liars Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can criticize and praise Praising Use I-messages Use positive facial affect (express your feelings) Name the behavior you’re praising Consider culture Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can criticize and praise (cont.) Criticizing Own your thoughts and feelings with I-messages Be clear Avoid ordering or directing Consider the context or situation Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in assertiveness “I win, you win” philosophy even in confrontation Assertiveness varies culturally Steps to assertive communication Describe the problem State how it affects you Propose workable solutions Confirm understanding Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages can confirm and disconfirm Disconfirmation –ignores the other person’s presence and communication; leads to lowered self-esteem Rejection – disagree or reject the person’s ideas or behaviors but still recognize the person Confirmation – acknowledges and accepts the other person; leads to increased self-esteem Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Offensive communication is disconfirming Language reflects and creates attitudes Intentional or unintentional Individual -isms Institutional -isms Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Offensive language is disconfirming (cont.) Ableism – against people with disabilities Racism – assumption of inferiority Heterosexism – includes assuming that everyone is heterosexual Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Offensive language is disconfirming (cont.) Ageism –toward elderly but includes other ages Sexism – gender-biased language includes such as “generic he” Biased listening Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Principles of Verbal Messages (cont.) Messages vary in cultural sensitivity Cultural identifiers – language to talk to and about people of different groups Race and nationality Affectional (sexual) orientation Age Sex and gender Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines for Using Verbal Messages Effectively Extensionalize: avoid intensional orientation Intensional orientation – view labels rather than things or people as they exist Extensional orientation – view people or things as they are rather than how they are talked about their labels Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) See the individual: avoid allness Allness orientation – judge whole based on experience with part Nonallness orientation – there is always more to know and say Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Distinguish between facts and inferences: avoid fact-inference confusion Factual statements – description based on things you observed Inferential statements – conclusions based on what you observed Fact-inference confusion Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Discriminate among: avoid discrimination Indiscrimination –stereotyping; focus on group instead of each unique member within group Discrimination – recognize that not member in the group is alike Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Talk about the middle: avoid polarization Polarization – fallacy of either/or Thinking in extremes makes us forget other possibilities Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Guidelines (cont.) Update messages: avoid static evaluation Static evaluation – keep attitudes and beliefs about someone despite inevitable changes Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved