Youth Model the Style of Parents and Surrogate Parents SECTION 4 LESSON 4 Under Construction

EVALUATING AND MODELING PARENTAL BEHAVIOR As you were growing up, your parents may have acted toward others or in general in certain ways that had such a negative impact on you that you vowed to never be that way when you grew up. On the other hand, they may have acted in certain ways that you thought were great and that had such a positive impact on you that when you grew up you found yourself being the same way and feeling good about it.. Study the list below and, as you do, try to remember if any of the categories describe the way your parent behaved. Some of the categories might represent something your parent seldom did or did only once but you remember now, in retrospect, that seeing your parent behave this way had a high impact on you. Other categories could represent ways that your parent often behaved. You might even find, after studying the categories, that your parent behaved in opposite ways. From the list on the following page, find all of the categories that you feel describe your parent’s behavior as you were growing up. Try to disregard the fact that some of the words are misspelled because they are adapted to the specific purpose of this inventory. If you do not find terms that you feel describe your situation, there are spaces at the bottom where you can add your own terms. Use one form for each parent, step parent or other who served as a parent to you. Indicate in the blank below which parent, step parent, or parent substitute you are rating below. _________________________________ As you study these categories, write the ones that describe the parent or substitute parent you are rating under the appropriate columns below. You may also make up your own. List as many categories as you like. I WANTED TO BE LIKE THISI DID NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________

Describing Your Parent OR a Parent 1 The following is a list of terms that could describe the way parents relate to they children from the point of view of the child or an outside observer. A parent is unlikely to want to attribute an unflattering category to themselves. An adult, recalling their childhood, might also have a hard time choosing what they feel is a negative category to describe their own parent. Ascribing some negative categories might even arouse feelings of hurt or pain as you remember actual situations from your childhood. However, if you stop and try to be brutally honest with yourself in describing your parent, OR your spouse as parent, you may find that some things you have avoided admitting about the way your parent related to you, nevertheless, was the way they actually did relate to you. Study the list below and, as you do, try to remember if any of the categories describe the way your parent related to you. Some of the categories might represent something your parent did seldom or only once but you remember now, in retrospect, as having had a high impact on you. Other categories could represent something that your parent did often. You might even find, after studying the categories, that your parent related to you in opposite ways. Circle all of the categories that you feel apply to the way your parent related to you as a child. Try to disregard the fact that some of the words are misspelled because they are adapted to the specific purpose of this inventory. If you do not find terms that you feel describe your situation, there are spaces at the bottom where you can add your own terms. Use one form for each parent, step parent or other who served as a parent to you. Indicate in the blank below which parent, step parent, or parent substitute you are rating below. ______________________________ As you study these categories, use the preceding list to help you fill in the blanks in the sentences that follow. You may also make up your own categories. For each of the fill-in-the blank-sentences below there is space to write all of categories that could fit in that sentence. For each sentence fill in as many categories as you like. If you feel writing in a category would be repetitive, you need not write it in.

LIST OF ADJECTIVES DESIGNATING PARENTAL ROLES AND STYLES MOST PARENTS TAKE SEVERAL OF THESE ROLE DEPENDING UPON THE CONTEXT SEARCH THE LIST BELOW AND FIND THE TERMS THAT DESCRIBE PARENTS THAT YOU HAVE KNOWN. WHAT WAS THEIR TEENAGER LIKE?

DESCRIBING THE WAY YOUR PARENT RELATED TO YOU My (father/mother/substitute) _______________________________me. Additional categories ______________________________________ My (father/mother/substitute) related to - or talked to - or treated - me as though they were a(n)/the ________________ Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) related to - or talked to - or treated - me as though I were a(n)/the __________________. Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) was / was a ________________________ with me or to me or of me. Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) played (the) ________________________ with me. Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) was my _____________________________. Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) used _______________________________ on me. Additional categories My (father/mother/substitute) showed me ______________________________. Additional categories If you wish, construct your own fill in the blank sentence and write in all the categories that apply here. Additional categories

THE LANGUAGE AND ART OF GIVING ORDERS AND INSTRUCTIONS TO : * ‘DO’ AND * ‘DON’T DO’ HOW DO YOU GIVE YOUR CHILD ORDERS OR INSTRUCTIONS AND PROHIBITIONS? _________________________________________________________________ HOW DID YOUR PARENTS GIVE YOU ORDERS AND INSTRUCTIONS? _________________________________________________________ IS YOUR LANGUAGE AND TECHNIQUE WORKING? ____________________________________________ DID THEIR LANGUAGE TECHNIQUE WORK? __________________________________________ HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOUR CHILD COMPLIES WITH OR DEFIES YOU? _________________________________________________________________ HOW DID YOU REACT TO YOUR PARENTS’ ORDERS AND INSTRUCTIONS? _________________________________________________________ HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THE VARYING DEGREES OF ADEQUACY OF PERFORMANCE OF A TASK? _________________________________________________________________ HOW WELL OR POORLY DID YOU TEND TO PERFORM THE TASK? ________________________________________________________ DID YOUR PARENTS TEND TO SHOW APPROVAL OR DISAPPROVAL? _________________________________________________________ HOW DID YOU REACT TO THEIR APPROVAL OR DISAPPROVAL? ________________________________________________________ WHAT KINDS OF FEELINGS ARE YOU, AS PARENT, LEFT WITH AFTERWARD? ________________________________________________________________ WHAT KINDS OF FEELINGS DO YOU THINK YOUR CHILD IS LEFT WITH AFTERWARD? _________________________________________________________________ WHAT KINDS OF FEELINGS ARE YOU, AS CHILD, LEFT WITH AFTERWARDS? ________________________________________________________

A Model of Parental Style of Control of Child’s Behavior Patterns of Language Transactions, Responses, and Residual Feelings Current or Anticipated Situation Requiring Command or Prohibition 1.Level of Parental Command or Prohibition Given 2. Level of Child’s Compliance -Defiance Verbal Response 3. Level or Quality of Child’s Performance of Command or Abstinence from Prohibition 4. Level of Parental Reaction to Child’s Performance 5. Parental Residual Feelings After Completion of Scenario 5. Child’s Residual Feelings after Completion of Scenario 6. Anticipation of Next Situation Involving Commands or Prohibition